Walking Through a Minefield

by Fatherofeight | More from this Blogger

29 Dec 2006 10:44 PM

People who are fostering children to adopt them get very wary of almost everyone that they have to deal with in the system. We had an adoption agency working on our behalf and I was very trusting of our assigned worker. We went to that agency solely because of her. She was very experienced and we relied on her extensively.

I could not rely on the head of her agency though. If the agency was having a bad month financially, she would withhold funds that were intended for us to balance her books. Some payments were received several months late.

We went through the system twice. The first time, the state social worker that was assigned to our boys was not very honest. She would frequently lie to me to keep from having to do extra work.

The second time around, our state worker was great. She was very honest and dependable. She did not mind working hard. The children's welfare was her main concern. We trusted her implicitly. Before our case was closed, she left the agency to go to law school.

In Houston, the courts rely heavily on reports from Child Advocates. They are a very reputable organization. Because of budgetary constraints, they rely heavily on trained volunteers. I was told not to worry about Child Advocates.

We ran into significant problems with our first volunteer from this group. She was a liberal college professor, who was constantly trying to undermine us. For instance, she was very concerned about the fact that my wife and I are Christians. She placed calls to several people complaining that we would cram our religion down the throats of the children.

Her report was much more concerned about the birthmother than the children. When she refused to make changes to the report to conform to Child Advocates guidelines, she was fired. Until that happened, we felt like we had been ambushed.

For the second adoption, the Child Advocates volunteer was very knowledgeable and professional. She worked very hard with us and for us. She was what everyone expects from Child Advocates. They are a very solid organization that does a wonderful job for the children of Texas. Our first experience was the exception, rather than the rule.

These lessons taught us to be very careful. Going through the adoption process was like walking through a minefield; we learned to be careful where we stepped.

Related Blog:

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Crickett (272) 29 Dec 2006 11:15 PM

How do you find a good agency? Do you have any recommendations?

Fatherofeight (2475) 30 Dec 2006 09:03 AM

Here is how we selected an agency. I wrote a blog a few days ago about people who had inspired us. Mary Ann, the lady who kept all the babies until they were adopted, used an agency and recommended them. We took foster training at that agency and selected them. I think that our adoption worker was the key. I wound up not liking the agency very much, but the worker that we were assigned from there was wonderful.

rsbg (501) 30 Dec 2006 09:58 PM

"cramming religion down their throats"???? what a horrible thing for her to say!!!! and very sad that she doesn't/didn't realize how much these little children need God in their lives! i'm so glad you and your wife do!!!!!

Fatherofeight (2475) 30 Dec 2006 10:40 PM

To tell the truth, I felt like that criticism was a great compliment. And, my CPS contract did say that we should give them religious training. Also, birthmom wanted them to be in a Christian home.

Linda Hansen (1796) 31 Dec 2006 07:37 PM

When the boys were in a shelter, we would take them out on Sundays, of course we visited through the week, but Sunday was the day we could all be together away from the shelter. We usually would take the boys out to lunch or dinner. The first time we dined out and reached for their hands to say grace, Daniel jerked away as if he had been burned and told us, indignantly, we don't do that! I gently reached for his hand and told him, but we do. Now when we sit down to share our meal, they openly, comfortably and happily thank God for their blessings, it is second nature to talk to God in our house. Art

Fatherofeight (2475) 31 Dec 2006 09:02 PM

You are training them up in the way that they should go, they will never depart. Thanks, Art.

PATTI (580) 08 Jan 2007 12:42 PM

Dear Ed, I compliment you and Nancy for doing the best you know how-the very best with God's help. PATTI

Fatherofeight (2475) 08 Jan 2007 06:46 PM

Sort of know the ropes now. We frequently help others that are going through this.