Search Results for: blog trust and attachment

Book review: The Handle and the Key

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Seldom do we find books written from the perspective of a foster child. In The Handle and the Key, one of the few adoption books for children in between the picture book stage and the teen novel stage, John Neufeld manages to get inside the head of the young boy, Dan, who is being adopted. He shows us little things, like Dan not knowing what is meant when other boys ask him to play “tag”. Indeed Dan is not sure what to do when told to “play” at all. In his previous foster homes he had to work. He longs … Continue reading →

Is It the Infant Attachment or the Choice in Mates?

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In a couple of my last articles I began describing some of the attachments that are formed as infants. I also discussed how these attachments carry over into our adult relationships. While I was reading through the various signs and characteristics of each type of attachment, I began thinking that perhaps not all of these characteristics are caused from the infant formed attachment. Perhaps some of them come from the choice in mates. For example, I can see how a person who formed a secure attachment as an infant may form an anxious attachment as a romantic partner if a … Continue reading →

Attachments and Honesty

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So, yesterday we began looking into how the attachments that we form as infants can carry over into the attachments that we form with our romantic partners. I gave some descriptions and details about how each type of infant attachment would react as a romantic attachment. The attachment that one forms also influences the honesty that one has with their mate. From recognizing the type of attachment that your mate has, one can gain a better idea of how the mate may react in terms of deceit and deception. People who formed secure attachments as infants and have secure attachments … Continue reading →

More about Attachments

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My last article began discussing the various attachments that infants encounter with their caregiver. As discussed in the article, those attachments often carry over and influence the attachments that we have with our romantic partners as adults. Infants that had secure attachments with caregivers often grow up to be adults with secure attachments to mates. When a secure attachment is made to a romantic partner, there is no nervousness or anxiety about the relationship. These partners tend to have stronger bonds and a longer lasting relationship. There is more trust and openness in these relationships. Partners tend to have a … Continue reading →

Infant Attachments Influence Romantic Attachments

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As many of you know, I have been an avid reader of Beth’s story in Mental Health about Sue who refused to have sex with her husband until she wanted to get pregnant. It turned out that Sue had been sexually abused as a child and was greatly affected by the experience. Our history and background do indeed have a great deal of influence over how we respond to our mate and others around us. Knowing your partner’s childhood history may turn on a few lights for you about why he or she acts the way that he or she … Continue reading →

Sibling Attachment

Something that I get asked about a lot is my children’s adjustment to one another. We took three kids of different ages and backgrounds and threw them together and said “you’re family now”. It makes sense that some people wonder how that went! I have honestly been amazed at how well it has gone. Once Josiah was in our home I realized that we had a responsibility to protect him – even if that meant protecting him from his own siblings! I wondered if it would be too hard for him to have two older kids in the house, if … Continue reading →

Trusting and Allowing Them to Make Their Own Decisions

Parenting and worrying go hand-in-hand—we want to protect our children from big mistakes and we want to guide and nudge them in the direction that we think is right for them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. But, at the same time, we also need to learn how to allow our children to make choices and decisions too; and we need to trust that they will make choices and decisions that are right for them—even if they are not the same choices we would make! This trust and allowing room for personal choice starts early. I know that some … Continue reading →

Re-building Lost Trust With a Child

When I was growing up, I can remember my parents saying things like, “You’ve lost our trust” or “How can we trust you now?” If I remember correctly, this was most likely during my teenage years when I did all sorts of naughty and irresponsible things–or when I slipped from my normally overly-responsible eldest child role. Now that I have teenagers of my own, I can see just what a slippery slope the whole trust issue really is. One of my daughters put the trust issue right on the table a few months ago when we were having a rocky … Continue reading →

The 7 Baby B’s of Attachment Parenting

New parents frequently approach attachment style parenting as a list of rules. Nurse on demand. Co-sleep with your infants. Don’t let them cry. Carry them in a sling. While there is definitely a list of parenting behaviors that can be categorized as “attachment style”, attachment parenting is anything but a set of rules. Each individual family must decide how best to meet their infant’s needs given their circumstances. But for those who are looking for a place to begin, a set of guidelines to start exploring in taking care of your infant, here is a list of Baby B’s, as … Continue reading →

The Symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder

The clinical, medical definition and The Diagnostic Criteria For Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) may be difficult to read and understand. Unless, you are the parent of a RAD child and then for some reason those few paragraphs mean much more. The symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder parents generally witness are far more specific and obvious. Some of the commons Attachment Disorder Symptoms include: A child who is superficially engaging and charming with strangers and visitors. A child who is Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers, including hugging and talking about intimate family details. A Child who fails to make or maintain eye … Continue reading →