This Is Not What I Signed Up For

by Melissa J | More from this Blogger

08 Sep 2006 12:36 AM

If you have read the short story by Emily Perl Kingsley called Welcome to Holland, you might have a peek into the feelings of a person who has learned their child has special needs.

I distinctly remember telling our adoption case worker that we didn't want a child placed that was hyperactive or violent. When we finally got our son, he was only over a year old and we weren't able to determine what kinds of special needs would arise. I learned early on he had a temper problem. He would get very angry with his toys when they wouldn't work properly. At 16 months, I found no one that would take me seriously. I knew something was wrong. Being he was still young, I was able to keep the behavior under some control. But as he approached 4 years old, it had reached a point where I just cried not knowing how to handle him. By this time, I got some people to take the issue seriously. My husband and I were given tools to control him when he was out of control, as well as tips in how to talk with him.

My son was ripped away from the only family he ever knew in less than 24 hours time. I understand why he feels so clingy and possessive of me and others that are close to him. I really want him to grow up to feel secure. I want him to be a good husband and dad one day with self control.

I'm getting him in therapy again and we're trying some a medication to help him. I'm reading books and seeking out educational seminars on children who have been abused by prenatal drug and alcohol exposure or have attachment issues. One of the most difficult things in dealing with my son's issues is that there's no real diagnosis we've been given. There is no light yet at the end of the tunnel for us.

My son's issues may be more specific to adoption, but regardless of how a child enters a family, there are no guarantees. You can do everything right during your pregnancy and still have a special needs child. Parents who adopt privately thinking they will get a "perfectly healthy" baby that way are sometimes surprised when it's not the case. I've come to except that I only do what I can. Answers or not, I take things one day at a time.

For more information on special needs, please visit the Special Needs Blogs.

(Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog)

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