The Waiting Child: How the Faith and Love of One Orphan Saved the Life of Another

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

This book is a tearjerker, but so much more. The Waiting Child: How the Faith and Love of One Orphan Saved the Life of Another is an adoptive mother's account of adopting a four-year-old from an orphanage in China, then discovering that her daughter, at such a tender age, had already been responsible for caring for younger children at the orphanage-including one whom she called "her baby". Even after bonding intensely with her "forever mama", she advocates tirelessly for this little boy to be adopted also. She worries about him constantly, explaining that it was her job to dress him and help him use the potty, but that she also cuddled him at night to keep him warm and kept older children from snatching his food. She offers heartrending prayers for him at night, and finally even offers to go live at her aunt's house so "her baby" can have her own place in her forever family.

This is a book nearly unbelievable-some of it because I don't want to believe it, and some because it seems too good to be true. I want to think that conditions in the orphanages can't be that bad, and it's hard to believe a four-year-old could be so selfless and dedicated. But many parents can believe this, because we've seen it in our children. My own daughter, at ages three and four, was totally devoted to her little sister after we adopted her from Korea, even though they hadn't known each other before Regina's arrival. I think of Meg's caring and intensity at that age and I can well believe Champnella's daughter Jaclyn's conflict: enjoying her new life in America, but feeling sadness and anxiety about "her baby". She loves having a mama, and matter-of-factly informs her mother than she herself is this baby's mama.

The book is of interest for many reasons: it talks about adopting of an older child, who can remember her birth family with whom she lived for two and a half years, who tries to maintain contact with a best friend from the orphanage who is also adopted to the U.S., who can describe orphanage conditions and has mixed feelings about liking to be in China where "everybody look like Jaclyn" and bad memories of her time there.

Champnella addresses the conflict many adoptive parents feel: often we earnestly desire our children to appreciate the rich culture of their native countries as we have come to do, but the children themselves want only "American". Eventually Jaclyn is able to remember happier images of her birthmother and the orphanage children and staff.

Champnella also writes of her own feelings of being lost and inadequate when, although she is a teacher and school administrator, she is unable to understand her daughter's homework at Chinese school and only one other parent seems willing to reach out to her. Champnella writes that she now has a greater appreciation for children who, when coming from another country, enter another world that they cannot understand, as well as for immigrants in general.

I would recommend this book to all adults, especially those who work with children, for its insight into children's feelings. It addresses so many issues that arise in older child adoption and international adoption, but yet it reads like a fast-paced tale. You won't put it down until you've finished.

Please see these related blogs: The 2008 Adoption Guide

Media Review: With Eyes Wide Open: A Workbook for Parents Adopting International Children

Media Review: Adoptive Families Magazine

Books for Adults on Adoption from China and Korea

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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