The Violence to Young Children Continues

Pam Connell (2658) 23 Feb 2007 10:45 AM

Dear Ed, I think you are right. I would consider myself fairly liberal on many issues but absolutely cannot see how people can deny the life of unborn (preborn) children. I think it leads to people devaluing children in general--and even devaluing themselves, since we judge people based on their accomplishments or whether they are "wanted" by the rest of us fallible human beings.

Of course, much of the statistical increase in abuse may well be increased reporting of abuse, but still I see a disturbing trend toward devaluing the humanity of each person in general. I would also submit that those who abort and/or abuse children likely do not value children because they themselves have not been valued.

Sometimes I am really torn when voting because it seems that the choice is between those who want to legally protect the unborn and those who would deny the unborn legal protection, but advocate programs such as prenatal health care and improvements in the health, education and child welfare systems that would a)make it more feasible for parents to raise children and b) show already-born children that society values their lives.

I am far from a "tax and spend" liberal but I'm quite willing to pay for programs that really help people. I do believe in personal responsibility and am frustrated with people content to remain on welfare. Yet personally know of people who stay on welfare to keep health insurance for their children and even one couple driven to divorce to get benefits for their disabled child.

I don't know alll the answers and am interested to hear what your readers think.

About 15 years ago I lived in a state which required that people receiving state welfare funds who were not in school or in a job, spend 20 hours a week volunteering in the community. I worked in a family literacy program at the time and "hired" a secretary through this program. She enabled us to get much more work done, and she was able to learn computer skills and typing and get work experience, as well as attend a parenting class through our program. I don't know if that program still exists but I've always wondered why it doesn't in more places.

i know this is kind of a rambling comment but I've struggled with these things in my heart for a long time. Thanks for your blogs which constantly remind us of the importance of the innocent children.

Fatherofeight (2475) 24 Feb 2007 09:29 AM

Pam, thanks for your thoughts. I think that there is no doubt that the people doing these things, at least most of them, were not valued when they were children. They are living the life that was modeled for them. Your discussion of being kind of liberal got me thinking, I had sort of subscribed to the statement that conservatives make - when you are young, if you are not liberal, you don't have a heart and when you are old, if you are not conservative, you are not thinking. So, working in a conservative industry, paying a lot of taxes, having a conservative family background, made me pretty much on the right. Now, having worked with underprivileged people for a long time. adopting children who are dependent on various social services, seeing the problems of the poor, has changed my viewpoint a lot. Don't know where I am today. I can tell you that I have lost all interest in political people, I would like for just one to emerge that is not a scoundrel.

Pam Connell (2658) 24 Feb 2007 12:54 PM

I still remember a chilling experience. Before I had kids, I went to the management of our apartment building to report my concern about several safety hazards dangerous to children (many children lived in the building). The worker asked me how old my children were. I said I didn't have any children and she said, "So what are you worried about?" She wasn't even being sarcastic or flip, she honestly didn't get why I was concerned if I didn't have children personally. I guess she couldn't conceive of anyone worrying about other people's children. I was chilled and stunned. Later I wanted to scream, "adults are supposed to take care of children! that's the way the world works, doesn't anybody get it anymore??!!?"

Lisa P (24013) 25 Feb 2007 07:28 AM

You know, I would have thought that the legal ability to abort would be an "out" for people who don't want to be parents or just aren't ready for the responsibility. Apparently, there are still plenty of people who don't want children having them - and keeping them instead of giving them up for adoption! I think this says something about generations of parents in our society...

It seems acceptable now to have as many children as you can just for the benefits. Are people seeing children as an income source? WIC, food stamps, welfare anyone?

For quite some time, my husband and I knew that we weren't ready to be parents and we made a conscious decision not to be parents yet. But that took thought, deep reflection and a great deal of soul searching. (Some things that many parents are forgetting about before they conceive.) When we decided we were ready to have children, we also decided that everything else in our lives would have to take a back seat to any child or children we brought into this world.

I assumed that everybody did this before having kids. Call me stupid.

Fatherofeight (2475) 25 Feb 2007 10:51 AM

Pam, I know some will get upset with me to say this, but I see young children being dropped off to day carer before the sun comes up and being picked up late. A friend of ours who is a college student, worked one summer in a day care, she said kids would come early half asleep and be asleep for the night when they were picked up. She was essentially the parent during the week. It bugs me. Our birthmother, when she wanted to contest with us, went to court ordered parenting classes. We asked her what she learned when she "graduated". She had learned that you should not beat your kids and that when you get mad you should go for a walk (leaving kids with boyfriend no doubt) and count to ten.

Fatherofeight (2475) 25 Feb 2007 11:08 AM

Lisa, our birthmother had seven children in nine years, all are damaged and somewhere in the social system. She has probably had more, we told the system not to contact us any more (we have all we can handle), and now she is HIV positive. Getting pregnant was an occupational hazard of her profession. Birth control measures are unheard of, I think the men think it is not macho, also when I worked in prison ministry I heard a lot of bragging about how many women they got pregnant the last time they were out of jail. Also, birthmothers tend to enjoy having the babies, they get attention that they normally do not receive when pregnant (missions more likely to put up with them). Also, our poor pitiful birthmom had really not accomplished anything worthwhile in her life, so having a baby made her feel like she had done something wonderful. It is very common in the "drugged out" community in this area for a woman to have delivered double figures of babies, all seriously drug exposed. For at least one of our children, the mom did not know that she had delivered him, she was that out of it. A few years ago, I served on a jury, a witness to the murder lived in a "project" apartment, she was under 30 and had 10 or 11 children "just waiting" to be old enough to get pregnant and start the cycle again (girls) or get in serious trouble and go to prison, serving as a "sperm donor" when out on parole (boys). Almost everything that has been done by government to remedy these problems has failed. Pardon me for getting on my soapbox, but these subjects really push my buttons.