Search Results for: blog the kids through state adoptions

Single Parent Adoptions

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More and more single people, especially women, are choosing to become single parents. One way for a single person to become a parent is through adoption. Adoption.com defines adoption as “a legal process that creates a new, permanent parent-child relationship where one didn’t exist before.” While many adoption agencies still deem married couples as the best candidates for adoption, many do now allow single people adopt. Domestic Adoption Domestic adoptions are adoptions that take place within the adoptive parent’s own country (in the case of this post, this is the United States). A domestic adoption typically costs between $15,000 and … Continue reading →

When Adoptions Don’t Work Out

No one wants to talk about it—not adoptive parents who know how wonderful adoption can be, not prospective parents who desperately want to believe that love will conquer all, not professionals whose reputations and self-image are based on facilitating the happily-ever-after family. Adoptions that don’t work out are a small percentage of adoptions . However, they can represent ten to twenty percent of older-child adoptions (different agencies define “older child” differently when keeping statistics. I believe it generally refers to children over age seven.) Adoptions of older children are ten to twenty percent more likely to eventually disrupt than adoptions … Continue reading →

Media Review: Through Moon and Stars and Night Skies (Reading Rainbow Video)

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You may be familiar with the PBS series Reading Rainbow. Each episode reads one children’s book in its entirety, and has young viewers review several other related books. However, each episode goes beyond the books to delve deeper into their topic through interviews with real people. In this Reading Rainbow episode on adoption (available on VHS from Amazon by clicking here or at many libraries), the topic is expanded to have many child and “person on the street’ interviewees say what “family” means to them, and the rewarding and sometimes frustrating things about being in a family. “Let me tell … Continue reading →

Who’s Causing More Damage, the Home or the State?

It’s tragic enough when a circumstances of abuse or neglect require a child be removed from their home. Children, even when placed in the best homes and receive the most appropriate care still may struggle with past trauma. What is even more devastating is sometimes it’s the state who contributes unnecessary hardships for the child. I should mention that I have yet to meet a state employee who has had any intention other than helping a child. One problem I see is with the balance of reasonable time for parents to reclaim custody of their child versus the need for … Continue reading →

Birth Family and Entitlement in State Adoptions

I just wanted to touch on some thoughts I had relating to birth family, entitlement and communication. These are mostly things I wanted to get off my chest, but I hope someone who needs to hear them will have a better understanding of one adoptive mother’s perspective anyway. Allowing Contact with Birth Family Most parents I know would agree there is often a sense of loyalty within family—even within birth family. Whether or not this is true in any specific case, it’s because of this many adoptive parents are leery to allow much contact—if any, fearing some information, out of … Continue reading →

Attitudes Regarding State Adoptions: Part 2

In part one I shared some misconceptions and attitudes in regard to children adopted through the state. Here I’ll continue: Our child won’t have that ~ If you’re one of the few parents that gets your dream child that is beautiful, smart, fully compliant, then you best hit the slot machines as you are one lucky person! Parents who adopt older children especially are adopting not just the child, but the needs of the child that have to be addressed. Unfortunately, the state agency is not always aware of these needs prior to placement, either because they never got the … Continue reading →

Attitudes Regarding State Adoptions: Part 1

The following is a list of attitudes and misconceptions people have about adoption usually prior to their placement. I don’t intend to discourage anyone, but it’s important for families to be realistic in expectation. Children aren’t puppies, they’re children! ~ There is nothing wrong with wanting to adopt and know you are giving your child a good home. It’s okay for you to feel good about what you’re doing. But if you’re going to have the attitude that you are “rescuing” this child, you are doing your family a great injustice. It gives implication to the child that they owe … Continue reading →

The Kids through State Adoptions

Contrary to the stories, concerns and fears you might have read about online, most of the kids adopted through the state that I personally know about are genuinely well adjusted and happy. Many potential adoptive parents become scared off after reading an adoption forum site or watching television. Before becoming resistant to state adoption, there are a few things I’d like you to know: 1. Adoption forum sites typically have posts by parents seeking support and information rather than raving about their wonderful and beautiful children. In other words, people with happy and normal lives don’t always sit and talk … Continue reading →

When the Lady at the Cosmetic Counter Knows More Than Your Kids Do

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Does the lady at the cosmetic counter or at the hair salon know more about your kid’s adoption story than your child? Okay, what about the neighbor next door? It’s too easy for me to forget that my kids’ personal stories are not all mine. Adoption is something we are very open about in our home. My husband and I worked very hard to adopt our children and are proud of the way our family was formed. Like any other mom that has given birth to her child, I enjoy sharing the story of how my boys came into my … Continue reading →

National Adoption Month 2010

November is National Adoption Month! I won’t go into the history or anything, since that has already been explained quite well in a previous post. I will say that I didn’t even realize myself that there was such a thing until this week! I arrived home from work on Monday to find a post put out by the Child Welfare Information Gateway about National Adoption Month showing up in my Facebook news feed! Had I known that this was coming up, I would have had a post about it ready by November 1st. I have now been made aware! So, … Continue reading →