The Dear Birthmother Letter

by kvSheldon | More from this Blogger

05 Feb 2006 12:53 PM

I can honestly say that writing our birthmother letter was one of the most difficult tasks that we had to complete when we were applying to become a member of American Adoptions. I'm sure I'm not alone when I admit that my husband and I procrastinated to sitting down together to start it. However, it can be easy to understand why what could be seen as a simple task, as writing a one page letter, can become intimidating and challenging. After all this one page note is a couple's first line of communication and correspondence with a potential birthmother. You have to convey in the letter a summary of who you are as a couple and as individuals. You let a birthmother know what your favorite hobbies and activities are. You want your values and beliefs to be known in the letter. You also have to put into so many words how much you know that you are going to love this baby as much as you would love your own biological child.

Additionally, not only do you concern yourself to include all that is listed above but also try to come up with an unique letter that does not sound like everyone else's. One has to remember your letter will be shown to a birthmother along with a number of other couple's birthmother letters. But most importantly you have to remember that as daunting as a task of writing the birthmother letter may feel to you, one must recognize how difficult it has to be for the birthmother to read all these letters and then make probably one of the most important decisions in her life. Not for herself but for the child she is carrying.

There are some things to keep in mind when you sit down to write the birthmother letter. The birthmother letter is an introduction of you, as a couple, to a birthmother. This is a time to make a connection with her, which will eventually be the foundation of the relationship that will be built among the triad.

When a birthmother is looking through these letters she is going to be looking for a couple or a family who is similar to herself and maybe even the birthfather. She will see if you have similar values and beliefs. She will be looking to see if you have similar hobbies and activities. This is because the chances are if she enjoys certain activities, then the child may also enjoy the same activities as well. (It is genetics folks.) Therefore, she will want the child to have parents that enjoy the same activities, hobbies, values, and beliefs.

One last thought before ending this post. When you are writing the letter you are writing to the birthmother. You are making a connection with her. She knows that you want her baby and she'll read many similar letters. What is yours going to say to make it stand out?

I found this letter to an adoptive family written by Courtney,who is a birthmother, on birthmotherletters.com I suggest taking the time to read it. I found it to be profound and enlightening. One will get a better understanding of what a birthmother is feeling as she starts reading her birthmother letters.

Learn more about kvSheldon

My name is Kathy Sheldon and I live in Northern NJ with my husband, Jeff, my 15 month old son, Connor, two cats, a bird, and the newest addition our 10 week old Bernese Mountain puppy.

View Full Profile | More from this Blogger