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Book Review: The Girls Who Went Away

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I wrote a blog last week that mentioned that teen mothers who place their babies for adoption are more likely to stay in school and remain off welfare than teens who choose to parent. I said that today, the peer pressure among teens is along the lines of “how could someone be so unnatural and irresponsible as to give up her own baby?” My writing probably showed that I wish more teens knew about adoption and thought of it as a positive solution. This blog reviews a book about the other side of the story. The Girls Who Went Away: … Continue reading →

Month in Review: Adoption Blog, December 2007

I began the month with a book review that tied in to my November series on coping with discrimination and racism. The Christmas Menorahs: How a Town Fought Hate is based on an inspiring true story of how a town in Montana came together when Jewish and African-American families were terrorized. Then I ran Part One and Part Two Part Two of Is It Okay to Be Choosy? regarding the comments adopting parents often get that if they “really wanted to help”, they’d choose the most needy child or the one with the most special needs–and sometimes we lay this … Continue reading →

Stages of Birthparents’ Thinking About Adoption

My last two blogs have been based on Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg’s work in their book, Inside Transracial Adoption. I have tried to briefly summarize their explanation of common stages gone through by adoptees and adoptive parents. In this blog I will discuss their interpretation of birthparents’ reactions. Naturally, these ideas represent the authors’ experiences of patterns many members of the adoption triad (child, birthparents, adoptive parents) report feeling. Individuals’ experiences may be different, of course. In the Pre-Conscious Stage, birthparents think that even though it breaks their heart not to be able to raise their baby, the adoption … Continue reading →

Who Are the Birthparents who Place Children for Adoption? Part One

Who are the birthparents who make an adoption plan for their children? Ed and Anna have spoken in their blogs of some of the issues of birthparents who have had their parental rights terminated and/or relinquished them after having their kids placed in foster care. But who are the birthparents who voluntarily choose adoption? And why do they do it? I would never presume to speak for all birthparents. Each situation is different. Here are some scenarios I’m aware of in different countries. Keep in mind that things are changing rapidly in many countries. This blog, Part One, will deal … Continue reading →

Beginning My Search For My Biological Mother (2)

Continuing the article…. Daria, who is still a dear friend of mine, truly one of the best. She was “almost” a biological mother in the triad. She had given birth to a beautiful baby girl she named Jenna. She was going to relinquish Jenna because she was so young and didn’t think she could take care of her. As we all know, teenage mom’s have odds stacked against them dramatically. She gave Jenna up for a couple of days and came back to get her. Thankfully her case worker knew that Daria wasn’t sure about this and no permanent placement … Continue reading →

Putative Father’s Registry–Biological Father’s Rights

During the past 40 years the number of children born to unmarried parents has grown dramatically. Putative fathers (the alleged, named, or reputed biological father) of children born out of marriage have historically been given few rights when it comes to the wellbeing and upbringing of their children. Things have been changing in this area and putative fathers have challenged the termination of their parental rights when their child has been placed for adoption. The U.S. Supreme Court has affirmed putative father’s constitutional protection of parental rights when the father has established a substantial relationship with his child. A substantial … Continue reading →

“Birthmothers” by: Merry Bloch Jones

Every year as many as 100,000 women in the United States place their babies for adoption and become “Birthmothers”. In this book, over 70 birthmothers share their experiences, and stories in a way that will inform, fascinate, and deeply affect anyone who reads them. Birthmothers is a compelling narrative, collection of stories shared by birthmothers, often revealing their experiences for the first time. Mothers who placed their babies for adoption between 1950s and the 1980s, answered questionnaires and participated in in-depth interviews with sociologist Jones for this searching study. A true, compassionate view of the experience and aftereffects of surrendering … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 7) Healing

Birthparents will never forget the baby they placed for adoption. Forgetting isn’t the goal but it’s important for birth mothers and birth fathers to adapt to the new circumstances and come to terms with any regret. When birth parents are able to accept their lives it’s possible to gain a feeling of control, and move forward with whatever else life has in store for them. Birth mothers and birth fathers who are able to openly share feelings with themselves and others may find it to be helpful while moving through the stages of grief and reaching some resolution. Some of … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 6) Acceptance

Accepting the loss and working through the grief doesn’t mean birth parents forget the baby they placed for adoption. It doesn’t mean birth mothers or birth fathers don’t experiences times of feeling sorrow or regret for their loss. Acceptance means birth parents allow themselves to move forward with their lives and integrate the loss into their future lives. There are a number ways birth mothers and birth fathers have found which often help them deal with loss and grief and move to a place of acceptance: Entrustment ceremonies: Some adoption agencies, adoptive parents and birth parents have found a simple … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 5) Identity Issues

Placing a baby for adoption can cause personal identity issues for some birthparents. After the surrender and the signing of the relinquishment of parental rights some birth parents may wonder, “Am I a parent?” Many birth parents experience a strong feeling of incompleteness, because they really are parents without a baby. Most of the time, the fact a birthmother or birthfather are parents goes unacknowledged with their family and friends. Often, birthparents here statements that add to the loss of their identity such as, “Anyone can give birth but, it takes more to be a good parent.” While it may … Continue reading →