Telling Your Child That They Were Adopted

by Melissa J | More from this Blogger

22 Sep 2006 08:20 AM

When you adopt an older child, likely there isn't reason to tell them they were adopted as they probably already know. For parents out there that adopted younger children, this is something you're going to have to face if you haven't already.

There are some different approaches to talking with kids about adoption. I strongly advise you consider the approach we've taken. After much reading and learning from others who were adopted, we found the best way to tell a child is to talk to them while they're young, never making a big deal about it.

Think about this for a moment; a mother who has given birth to her child does not decide to sit them down one day and say, "Honey, I need to tell you something. When Daddy and Mommy were ready to be parents, we decided to get pregnant. You grew in my belly..." I'm talking about a conversation aside from sex education here.

Why should telling your child they were adopted be so dramatic either? We have talked about adoption in our home as nonchalantly as a mother talks about "when I was pregnant with you..."

Our kids don't know any life other than adoption, nor do my husband and I. As far as our kids understand at 2 and 5, this is how families are made. Indeed it is one way families are made. My older son knows he has birth brothers and sisters that grew in the same tummy as he did. He knows who his "real" brother is (our boys are not genetically related).

The story at this time as to how we became a family goes something like this: Mommy and Daddy wanted to have children to love so we prayed asking God to send children who needed a family. You needed a mommy and daddy to love you and God said, "Hmm, I'm going to bring them together to be a family." And that is how we became a family.

Our family is not defined by who received who's DNA. We are defined by relationship. Not one of us in our family shares the same genetics. Though the word adoption does come up in our family due to my involvement with a local adoption support group, we have a normal family. We answer questions as they come up in an honest, age appropriate way.

(Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog)

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babydawn (7008) 22 Sep 2006 01:08 PM

I couldn't agree with you more. My oldest daughter was adopted by my husband. Her bio dad was a big time drug user and is now in prison. My husband and I got married before she was even born. She has always known him as daddy. I started telling her when she was just an infant, that her daddy loved her so much he adopted her. Those comments have led to other questions as she has gotten older, but all very casual and not a big deal to her. They have a really tight bond. Adoption or not, families are what you make of them.

Melissa J (13710) 22 Sep 2006 07:26 PM

Thanks for sharing that Babydawn :).