Suggested New Year's Resolutions for Adoptive Parents

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

04 Jan 2008 11:46 PM

I'm not going to look at my last year's New Year's Resolutions blog before I write this one. I'm just going to go with what's on my mind now.

So what is on my mind now? Too much, that's what. I want to have more meaningful family conversations at the dinner hour. I want to find a book that the whole family can enjoy reading by the fireside in the evenings-and keep reading age-appropriate books with each child individually too. I want to do all my physical therapy exercises and see if I can finally quit re-injuring myself. I want to be a peaceful, less easily irritated mother by taking walks, getting enough sleep and praying more often. I want to volunteer as a family. I want to be deliberate about spending and teach my children to be frugal. I want to be available to neighbors in need. I want to be more intentional about spirituality with my children, beyond Sunday School and murmured night prayer. I want to re-establish healthy snacking rules now that the holidays are winding down. I want to be a good example of healthy behavior-no emotional eating, regular exercise. I want to be an intentional mom in how I listen to, speak with, feed, play with, pray with and teach my children.

Oh, and I saw a book the other day titled something like, "What are Your Children Learning from Your Marriage?" Gulp. (Not that I want my marriage turning into a to-do list either, and I actually think we have a pretty good relationship-but do the kids see that, or do they see us as just a caregiving team? )

A bit overwhelming, hey? Just a bit.

The thing is, I've realized that I can't be intentional about much of anything until I take care of myself. (I know, this isn't earth-shattering news. But it's finally penetrating my thick skull.) Maybe you all know this already, or maybe you're not ready to hear it anymore than I was.

But the thing is, it does impact our kids.

Adoptive parents are under all the normal parenting stresses, and often a few extra ones. Adopted kids have a higher percentage of language and learning disabilities and ADHD. Some of our kids grieve birth family or other caretakers and some have been traumatized. Most of us have a few more unknowns in our lives, in terms of our kids' health history, prenatal experience, etc.

I've always known it was important to take some time for myself for health reasons, but now I'm learning just how important it is for the kids as well. That saying, "If Momma [or Daddy] ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" is only too true.

So I would urge adoptive parents to make some resolutions about themselves. And don't get overwhelmed doing all of them at once. What are my resolutions, you ask? Here are a few: Starting in January, get enough sleep. Starting in February, add exercise. Starting in March, focus on nutrition.

Happy New Year to all of you. I've got to go to bed now.

Please see these related blogs:

New Year's Mental Health Resolutions

Asking for Help

Adoptive Parents Need Rest

Getting Enough Sleep Should be a Priority

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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SLCorbett15 (5) 06 Jan 2008 05:34 PM

My husband and I are getting ready to adopt. I am always looking for information that will help our family make the transition. We have no children now, but we do have a dog and cat. Sounds silly, but it is going to be hard for our cat! :) Also, we are adopting older kids from foster care and we want to make the transition as smooth and easy for them as possible, and maybe create some good groundwork for future traditions, celebrations, house rules, etc. LikFor example, if the first night we all have family prayer, they will expect it every night and it won't be a big deal. (I hope!) But surely there are other tips people can give us.

I love your blog, by the way, and have gotten lots of helpful advice already!

Pam Connell (2658) 13 Jan 2008 04:16 PM

Welcome SL, I'm so glad you've found some helpful ideas here! Please keep us informed about how things are going!