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Life after Adoption: Secret Fears

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I recently reviewed Jana Wolff’s Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother. My last two blogs share some of My Own Secret Thoughts as we began the adoption process and My Secret Suspicions while we were out of the country adopting. When we considered adopting, I had some fears about life after adoption as well. Some of these are embarrassing to admit. I worried a bit about whether it would be hard for me to find her in a large group of Korean kids, such as at culture camp. My siblings and I each have a different hair color, so it … Continue reading →

Adoption Books with Great Art Series: I Love You Like Crazy Cakes

I Love You Like Crazy Cakes, written by Rose Lewis about her own adoption story, is illustrated by gorgeous watercolors by Jane Dyer. Like the other books she has illustrated, Dyer’s watercolors are realistic, evoke emotion, and are simply beautiful. The story is focused on a mother adopting a baby girl from a Chinese orphanage. It is appropriate for single mothers, but there is no reason it couldn’t be used by a two-parent family. The narrative is straightforward. There are baby girls in an orphanage with nannies to take good care of them, but no mother. There is a mother … Continue reading →

Book Review: Talking with Young Children about Adoption

We often hear or read advice to talk with our children about adoption from a young age, to speak honestly about their birthparents and about their adoption story, to acknowledge their sadness, to reinforce that we are their permanent family. And we are told to do all this in an age-appropriate manner. What we don’t hear as often are examples of just how to do this, especially with young children. Actual dialogues reported by adoptive parents of all kinds make Talking with Young Children about Adoption one of the most useful books I’ve read. Author Mary Watkins is a psychologist … Continue reading →

Care of African American Children in Transracial Adoptions: When You need a Stylist

Previously, In this series of articles on care of African American children in transracial adoptions, I have discussed winter skincare, summer skincare, and basic hair care. I am not discussing advanced hair care problems for African American children. Mixed raced hair care, and care of long hair were discussed in a previous article. While caring for the hair of your African American child can be binding experience, there will be a time when you should call a stylist. Hair Problems: Sometimes in spite of doing everything by the book, your child will still have problems with their hair. These problems … Continue reading →

Care of African American Children in Transracial Adoptions: Caring for Long Hair

Previously, In this series of articles on care of African American children in transracial adoptions, I have discussed winter skincare, summer skincare, and basic hair care. I am now discussing advanced hair care problems for African American children. One of these is mixed raced hair care, which was dicussed in a previoius article. Next, I want to address care of long hair of African American Children in Transracial Adoption. African Americans, typically do not have very long hair due to the fragile nature of our hair. Therefore, anything shoulder length or longer is considered long. Here are the special things … Continue reading →

Care of African American Children in Transracial Adoptions: Mixed Race Hair Care

Previously, In this series of articles on care of African American children in transracial adoptions, I have discussed winter skincare, summer skincare, and basic hair care. It is not time to discuss advanced hair care problems for African American children. Let us talk abut “Good hair”. (Notice the quotation marks. ) Most African Americans have hair that is called kinky or nappy. Others however may have what is often referred to as “good hair”. This simply means the hair is easier to comb and has a looser curl than the average black person’s hair. This good hair is usually a … Continue reading →

11 Things Some Adoptive Parents Would Like Birth Family by State Adoption to Know

Below is a list of things that some parents by adoption, as well as I have come up with and wish for our children’s birth parents and birth family to know: I love my children no differently than I would if I’d given birth to them myself. We have vowed to give our children the best we can possibly provide. We value many special characteristics that are a result of genetics and not by anything we could have given our children. We will not paint you in a bad light to our children. Having not been a birthparent, I can’t … Continue reading →

Birth Family and Entitlement in State Adoptions

I just wanted to touch on some thoughts I had relating to birth family, entitlement and communication. These are mostly things I wanted to get off my chest, but I hope someone who needs to hear them will have a better understanding of one adoptive mother’s perspective anyway. Allowing Contact with Birth Family Most parents I know would agree there is often a sense of loyalty within family—even within birth family. Whether or not this is true in any specific case, it’s because of this many adoptive parents are leery to allow much contact—if any, fearing some information, out of … Continue reading →

Why is Hair an Adoption Issue?

Did you know that hair is relevant to adoption? It isn’t one if you adopt a Caucasian, Asian or Hispanic child. However, when you make the decision to adopt an African, Haitian or African American child, suddenly this issue springs to life. I was surprised at first to find out that hair is a big issue in adoption. Several African American friends have pulled me aside either to offer their help or to remind me that it is important to learn how to do Laney’s hair. I also read that hair is the main reason that some African Americans are … Continue reading →

The Kids through State Adoptions

Contrary to the stories, concerns and fears you might have read about online, most of the kids adopted through the state that I personally know about are genuinely well adjusted and happy. Many potential adoptive parents become scared off after reading an adoption forum site or watching television. Before becoming resistant to state adoption, there are a few things I’d like you to know: 1. Adoption forum sites typically have posts by parents seeking support and information rather than raving about their wonderful and beautiful children. In other words, people with happy and normal lives don’t always sit and talk … Continue reading →