Right Summer Safety Precaution, Wrong Reason. Now What?

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

19 May 2008 05:02 PM

"I'm glad to see you're remembering to use sunscreen," I told my daughter.

"Oh, yes," she replied. "I always do because, you know, I don't really like my skin. It gets really dark in summer."

HELLO? Haven't we been over this already? (At least I think we have. I know I had a conversation with the four-year-old last year about skin. With this older one maybe the conversations were all about hair and about wanting wallpaper of blonde Barbies and Cinderellas. I can't remember.)

I didn't know she'd noticed that her skin got darker in the summer. I hadn't really noticed it myself, since we're pretty religious about using sunscreen, until the summer our second Korean daughter arrived. She was so much lighter than Meg that we wondered if she might have one Caucasian birthparent. Then I realized that, although Meg is naturally darker than Regina (who is her biological half-sister), she was especially dark because it was the end of summer, whereas the baby hadn't been out in the sun much.

And even if she had noticed, I thought we were so over this! Hadn't she just given a heritage presentation to her class where she voluntarily talked about being adopted? Hadn't she been spending time with an attractive Korean caregiver and finally learned to like her hair? Hadn't she progressed from drawing herself with blonde hair, to drawing her friends and I with dark hair, to drawing everybody with their own real hair color?

AARGH! I guess I'm just lucky that the girls don't seem to feed off each other in these things. When one of them is unhappy with her hair the other is happy. When one of them doesn't want to talk about Korea the other does.

I know lots of kids go through this. The mother of one of Regina's preschool friends (who is not adopted), whose family is from India, asked me how Regina felt about being different. She told me that her daughter had said she didn't like dark skin; she wanted light skin. So it's not entirely an adoption thing.

Meg's doctor has talked to her about sunscreen. I remember her exact words. It was part of a routine checkup when she talks about safety. She said, "Even though your skin will turn a beautiful golden brown in the summer because you're Korean, you still need to wear sunscreen to protect your skin, okay?"

So at least Meg is following her doctor's advice.

But I'd like it to be for the right reason.

Please see these related blogs:

I Don't Like My Skin

I Don't Like My Skin, Part Two

Care of African American Children in Transracial Adoptions: Different Skin Colors

Care of African American Children in Transracial Adoptions: Summer Skincare

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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