Raising An Adopted Child #8 Independence

by Anna Glendenning | More from this Blogger

07 Feb 2006 07:57 AM

As teenagers discover their own sense of unique identity and develop the strength to move away from their families a strong sense of attachment will help a teen become more independent. The strength of their attachment with their parents is the foundation of the child's ability to move forward in their lives knowing there is a secure base to return to if there is a crisis in their future.

For adopted children the transition from childhood to adulthood may bring up old adoption issues.Some adoptive parents feel helpless during this stage of their child's life. Adopted children may wonder, "If I become independent will my parents still be their when I need them?"

Adoptive parents sometimes see a streak of independence as a rejection of them and may wonder, "If we aren't connected biologically, what will keep us as a family when our child no longer needs us everyday?"

Adoptive parents sometimes respond to their child's need to express independence with resistance. Most parents resist their children's need to separate and move on in life. This kind of resistance to our children developing their own identity and then moving forward into adulthood only makes the need to break free more critical and it can lead to parent-teenager conflicts.

Adoptive parents need to keep strong in their hearts the comfort knowing that what has made all of them a family all along--the quality of their relationship with their children and the security and attachment they have built--will withstand separation.

When a child becomes attached with their parent it is because the child has learned they can depend on the adults to meet their needs. Adolescent or young adults remain attached, even if they move away to college or someplace else. Parents continue to meet the child's needs by allowing them to seperate knowing they have a family behind them. Adoptive parents meet the child's need to become indepentdent when they allow their children to go out into the world on their own.

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Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms: A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z

For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.

Learn more about Anna Glendenning

Anna Glendenning is a mother of four. Two biological children grown and out of college, and two siblings and adopted together in 2003. Anna's Personal Website http://www.adoptiveparentsnetwork.

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