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Like Mother, Like Daughter?

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Many people believe that a daughter will grow to become very much like her mother, in terms of personality, personal preference, and physicality. It seems that there might be something to this little piece of folk wisdom. Researchers in London have been studying to find out how much of the similarities between mother and daughter are due to genetics. It turns out that genetics play a big part. Recently, researchers from the United States, China, and Austria found a genetic mutation that can be passed down from a mother to her offspring through mitochondrial DNA. This particular genetic mutation contributes … Continue reading →

The Fight for Isaiah, Round Four

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As we moved closer to the day that a decision had to be made about Isaiah, Lola was talking more and more like she was assuming that she would retain her parental rights. Her drug rehab counselors were giving her pep talks and her lawyer was apparently encouraging her. She would talk about these things in front of me as if I was disinterested in what was happening. Some of her talk was clearly fantasy. For instance, she told me that she was going to be trained to be an ultrasound technician for a hospital. She had not finished high … Continue reading →

Our First Meeting With the Birth Mother

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This is the story of the first visit with our boys’ birth mother. We were pretty nervous. We had no idea what to expect, plus we were getting our first chance to meet our new baby’s three older brothers. We met two of the boys, ages four and eighteen months, in the lobby. The older one looked scared and the younger was shell-shocked. We already had an inkling that we would eventually adopt all of them. We were then escorted to the “playroom.” It was a fairly small room with no toys and some old office furniture. It was definitely … Continue reading →

Our Flawed Birth Mother

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The story of the birth mother of our five adopted sons may prepare those of you who want to adopt children out of a state foster system for what could be ahead for you. Lola, not her real name, was born to an abusive mother herself. She was adopted at three years old. I do not know much of her early history although many of the professionals who have examined her think that she has fetal alcohol syndrome, which is very serious. By age fifteen, she had run away from her adoptive home, never to return. She has been living … Continue reading →

Book Review: The Mistress’ Daughter

A.M. Homes remembers waking as a young child sobbing for her “other mother”. Although she was adopted as an infant, some part of her yearned for the parents from whom she came. Many adoptees do the same. But what if, when you find these long dreamed-of parents, they have feet very much made of clay? Novelist and short-story writer Homes, whose fiction works include The Safety of Objects and Music for Torching, writes her own story in The Mistress’ Daughter. It’s a not-often-told story that will be of interest to many adoptees. Certainly many birthparents, such as those profiled in … Continue reading →

Adoption Options for Single Parents: Adopting from the Child Welfare System

Unmarried individuals may wonder about their options for parenting. Certainly parenting a child who needs you is an admirable goal. Some individuals may not feel they can parent without the support of a partner. Certainly the support for you and the role modeling for your child are advantages to having a partner, but many single parents do adopt successfully. As one children’s worker stated, “All children really need to thrive is someone who’s crazy about them.” Perhaps you can be that person for a child. The U.S. foster care system is very open to adoptions from single parents. Older child … Continue reading →

Babies Produced by the Drug Culture

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At the close of a recent blog about child abuse, I was asked an interesting question. Why do women, who do not want to take care of their children, keep having them? I am by no means an expert on a question like this, but I can make some comments based upon what I have seen and heard. The birth mother of our five adopted children had seven children in ten years. I have not seen her in some time so she may have had more. All of the children that I know of have been taken away from her … Continue reading →

Against All Odds Again

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Yesterday was the fourth anniversary of Tommy’s “gotcha day”. Gotcha day is the term used in the adoption community to celebrate and remember the day that a child came to your home to stay. I have already written about the problems that we had with Tommy’s behavior and the fact that he had a “heart scar” down the middle of his chest with no explanation from the state. Tommy came to us one month after his brother Caleb had joined our family. Caleb had a very rough first month of his life. Now that we know almost all of their … Continue reading →

Basic Nurture: Catching Up

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When a child has not received basic nurturing as an infant, there is a deep need to receive what he missed, even if it comes several years later. I want to preface what I am about to write by saying that I am not a medical or psychological expert. I am raising children who were deprived of their basic necessities as infants. My wife and I have done our best to solve the problem based upon information from people who are experts and various publications which address the issue. Three of our children came to us when they were four … Continue reading →

The Trend to Open Adoption

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Apparently, the current trend in adoption circles is toward open adoption. In an open adoption, the birth parent is allowed to occasionally have contact with the children. Most of the prominent adoption magazines strongly recommend it. It is also the in-vogue direction that social work academics seem to be leaning. My wife and I were recently driving home from a three day vacation and “just for fun”, Nancy called in to a very popular national radio show hosted by a well-known family issues psychologist. The radio host seemed oblivious to all of our good reasons to avoid our children’s birth … Continue reading →