Search Results for: blog other kids reactions to my adopted kids skin color

Skin Color Not Discussed In Our Family

About a year after we brought our kids into our family through adoption my niece who was 6 at the time pointed at our middle child and said “Aunt he sure keeps his tan a long time”. It never occurred to me that she did not realize that he was bi-racial but had strong African American features. If you did not know that his brother and sister were Caucasian and that they all had the same biological mother than you would look at him and see a beautiful black child. Ten years later thinking of that day when we explained … Continue reading →

A New Normal

Many parents who adopt transracially deeply feel that looks shouldn’t matter. And in one sense they shouldn’t. But I’ve come to see that looks cause assumptions to be made. Assumptions that my daughter is lost, although she’s standing right next to me. (She’s Korean and I’m fair-skinned.) Assumptions that I’m her babysitter. Assumptions that she doesn’t speak English. Certain aspects of how one looks carry assumptions based on past experiences and emotions. Different people have different assumptions about who feels threatening and who feels comforting. The more we are around something, the more it becomes part of what we define … Continue reading →

Book Review: I’m Brown and My Sister Isn’t

Families are often advised to begin talking about adoption while a child is very young, even before he can understand the words, so that the child will grow up seeing adoption as a normal way for a family to form. Recent years have brought many children’s picture books on adoption, but it’s still a difficult topic to convey to toddlers and preschoolers. A book which speaks very simply about adoption and the diverse families it creates is I’m Brown and My Sister Isn’t, by Robbie O’Shea, who is herself a mother of two adopted children who have different skin colors. … Continue reading →

Mixed Feelings for a Child Member of the Majority Minority

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I recently wrote about Meg’s comment that she wanted to wear sunscreen because she didn’t like her skin getting darker. Today I showed my children the statistics from the website for If the World were a Village, after the book by geography teacher David Smith. The girls were incredibly thrilled to learn that they were among the majority of the world’s people. First I asked my older daughter, “Would you say more of the kids at school look like you or like Patrick?” She hesitated. “Like Patrick,” she said. I nodded. “But if you look at the whole world, more … Continue reading →

“Being Adopted Means Being Born in Another State”….??

It’s hard to tell what kids know, remember, or are in denial about. My almost-eight-year-old is very intelligent. She has pictures of her foster mother and a whole scrapbook about her adoption, which she presented to her preschool class. She seemed happy to have me read books explaining adoption to her first grade class last year. Recently a new friend, who wasn’t at the school last year when I did the presentation, asked me (in front of Meg), “Is Meg adopted?” I tried to deflect the question to Meg, trying to avoid a repeat of the “Can she speak English” … Continue reading →

Media Review: The W.I.S.E. UP Powerbook—a Workbook for Children

Kids are curious about adoption. Adopted kids will naturally be asked questions by their peers. Some of these questions are appropriate and some are not. Some the adopted child may just not feel like answering. We may tell our children the facts about adoption, but often it is hard for children (or any of us) to come up with a response when put on the spot. The W.I.S.E. UP Powerbook is aimed at empowering children to decide how they want to handle adoption questions. This book is published by the Center for Adoption Support and Education, a non-profit family support … Continue reading →

Resources for Responding to Racism

As a thirty-something raised in the Pacific Northwest, I have always known about racism, but seldom witnessed it. I lived a very sheltered childhood, and thirty-some years later still feel a bit of shock whenever I hear of a racist incident: “That happened here? Nowadays? Really?” My daughter’s Camp Fire group had a member who was adopted from Ethiopia. The mother and I began comparing adoption experiences. I was shocked when she told me her daughter had been experiencing blatant racism at school. Fellow second graders had been taunting her on the playground, “You don’t belong here. Go back where … Continue reading →

“I Don’t Like My Skin”

“I don’t like my skin. I want your skin.” Uh-oh. This is coming from my four-year-old daughter. On the one hand, I’m not surprised because I know that children often want to look like their parents. I know that at the preschool age kids become aware of differences. I know that my skin color is more similar to the “majority” of Americans’ skin color (although “white” won’t be a majority in another 20 or 30 years, demographers believe). On the other hand, I am surprised because we have always told the girls how beautiful their skin is. We’ve never shied … Continue reading →

Backlash Against Korean Adoptees/Families?

Some Koreans, and adoptive parents of Korean-born children, have expressed fear of a backlash since the Virginia Tech shootings by a Korean-born young man. Seung-Hui Cho was a South Korean citizen and a legal permanent resident of the US who came here at the age of eight. I have not personally encountered racism as a multiracial family except on one occasion when another child said of (and in front of) my daughter, “She doesn’t look like an American.” I have worried that if tensions escalated with North Korea Koreans might be judged on their appearance the way some people of … Continue reading →

Examining My Own Attitudes Toward Race

On Saturday, I wrote about my parents’ attitude toward skin color (loving, but in an “it-doesn’t-matter-so-don’t-talk-about-it” sort of way). Now I have to ask myself, how much of their discomfort talking about race rubbed off on me? I am white, with a white son and two Korean daughters. I guess I’d better get comfortable talking about it quick. I wrote a poem for my first daughter called “My Beautiful Caramel-Colored Daughter”. I absolutely love her smooth, golden-brown skin and sparkling black eyes. I love the way the light rosy blush on my youngest’s cheek looks against her light tan face. … Continue reading →