Search Results for: blog naming claiming and letting go

Another Time for Letting Go

I’m having mixed feelings about Regina starting kindergarten this week. Part of me wants to cry out that I haven’t had enough time with her– I should get an extra eight months! (Someone did once ask me Meg’s age when she was two and a half years old, and I responded “a year and a half” because that’s how long she’d been with me!) If Regina were a summer birthday I would definitely hold off on school, but she’s almost six. (And she has been wearing her sister’s outgrown uniforms since April.) I do sometimes feel a bit jealous about … Continue reading →

What’s a Birth Father Got To Do With It?

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When Meg was six, she asked abruptly one day, “Who is my father?” My second-grade son immediately launched into a lecture. Having just studied synonyms in school, he pompously explained to her that Dad was her father because the word “dad” was a synonym for “father”. After he left the room, I smiled at Meg. “That wasn’t quite what you meant, was it?” She shook her head, brows furrowed. “You mean your birth father?” She nodded, and we shared a smile over her brilliant big brother not getting it for once. I told Meg her birth father’s first name and … Continue reading →

Naming, Claiming, and Letting Go

Naming our children is a very personal decision for all of us. My own parents preferred to think of new names, rather than naming their children after family. However, my husband and I gave our first child (our birth son) one name related to my family heritage and another after a recently deceased relative of my husband’s. We planned a girl’s name at that time also—a first name I had always thought was beautiful, and a middle name which was Charles’ mother’s, grandmother’s and sister’s middle name. When we adopted, many of the Asian language names sounded strange to our … Continue reading →

Anniversary Celebrations in Adoptive Families

My last blog talked about rituals and celebrations for adoptive families. Of course, adoptive families celebrate the normal family occasions such as birthdays. While these absolutely should be celebrated, sometimes an adoptive child may also feel sadness on their birthday, as they realize that it is the anniversary not only of their birth, but of that their birthparents decided not to parent them. (I have written a blog that talks about helping a child deal with mixed feelings surrounding birthdays.) Many adoptive parents also celebrate “Gotcha Day” on the anniversary of the day they received the child. Some parents try … Continue reading →

Is “Mother” Jewelry Insensitive?

A while ago, there was a debate on a listserv for parents who’d adopted from Korea. It was triggered by an advertisement for jewelry with the Korean letters spelling “omani”. Many adoptive mothers embrace wearing the jewelry as a part of honoring their Korean-American children’s birth culture. But one writer, after wearing the jewelry for years, imagined herself meeting her child’s birthmother while she was wearing the “umma” bracelet. Would the jewelry cause pain to the birth mother? Would it seem to be a usurpation of a role as Korean mother that the adoptive mother was not? Heated debate ensued … Continue reading →

My Experiences with, “You’re not my real mother!”

My last review was of the book You’re Not My REAL Mother! I think most adoptive parents hear this at some point. Unfortunately, it is often hurled at a parent by a teen or “tween”-aged child casting about for anything that will get our goat. I think we’re lucky if we get hit with this while our kids are young. That shows that our kids are able to express to us any doubts they may have. And they may be more willing to listen to our replies. I dreaded the phrase and imagined that hearing it must be excruciatingly painful. … Continue reading →

Review of Artful Adoption Books: Three Names of Me

Yesterday I wrote about a children’s adoption book with beautiful artwork. Today I present another one. Three Names of Me is written by Mary Cummings in the voice of her Chinese-born daughter Ada. I would judge the writing to be for ages 6-12. The illustrations are done by Chinese-American illustrator Lin Wang, who combined watercolor and colored pencil to create a style she calls “ethereal realism”. Like the illustrations in Over Land and Sea, they appear realistic and detailed, yet at the same time soft. The use of light and blended backgrounds in Three Names of Me does produce a … Continue reading →

Would You Give Them the Same Name Now?

The other day, I was chatting with a couple of my kids and we started talking about names. As I am studying up and getting ready to add a dog to our family, we started to banter around possible names. This conversation evolved and led into a conversation about the names I had chosen for my kids. One of my daughters asked me “If you could name me all over again, would you give me the same name?” I thought this was a great question! While I do think that my kids’ names suit them, maybe there are better, more … Continue reading →

Is It Right to Sever Family Ties?

When I reviewed the book Adoption,from the Opposing Viewpoints series(you can read my review by clicking here), my attention was drawn to one author who argued for the elimination of adoption. She did accept that sometimes children must live apart from their biological parents for their own safety, but maintained that a child’s name and identity should never be changed and there should always be some kind of contact. Of course, no one can change a child’s identity. It is foolish for adoptive parents to think that a child’s genetics, prenatal and birth experiences, and early life experiences will have … Continue reading →

Entrustment Ceremonies

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In my last blog I said that adoptive parents, who have often been at the mercy of social workers and birthmothers to tell them if and when they can parent, need to claim their child as their own. If this is not done it can interfere with the parents’ ability to give themselves to the child completely. Sometimes the parents feel so lucky to have been given this child that they don’t provide needed discipline. Many adoptive parents enjoy formalizing the transition with a ritual, especially since the actual court appearance may take less than five minutes and/or may be … Continue reading →