Meeting Birth Siblings

by Melissa J | More from this Blogger

09 Sep 2006 11:06 PM

I'm struck with awe every time I meet a sibling of one of my boys'. When I get ready to meet one for the first time, I expect to see this strong resemblance between them and my child. Though I can usually fish for some similarities, it is so difficult to look at a child who is not a sibling by our immediate family relation and grasp that the child is related by genetics.

I have been blessed to get to know both of my youngest son's half siblings and three out of six of my older son's birth siblings; one is a half sibling and the rest are all full. I've met all the adoptive mothers, and foster moms for the two babies currently in foster care.

Today I met my younger son's baby birth brother and foster mother for the first time. Deep down, I know we are not ready to take on another baby, but a small part of me aches knowing there was a possibility I could have become his mommy. Coming up with those words again to say no wont be easy. My worst fear before today was never having met him. Now I can put that to rest. I know he's in good hands.

I found the reassurance as well in knowing my other son's birth brother was in a good foster home. He will likely be adopted into a home with birth siblings. I know they will continue contact with us so it makes it much easier.

It is really strange watching my kids interact with their birth siblings. They really don't have any understanding of who their little play mates are. My boys know they have each other as brothers. Their birth siblings are viewed much more like cousins as they have their own families to grow in. We never make a big deal about the siblings being related. Our kids are all told who their birth siblings are though. It is very interesting how we have gained sort of an extended family of what feels like aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins from the adoption of our two children.

Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog

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Jody Moreen (3274) 09 Sep 2006 11:18 PM

Hi MJ from Jody! As an adult adoptee who did an adoption search over 10 years ago, I found 3 of my birth sisters from my birth family when I was in my late 30s- 2 are full blooded siblings, the other a half sister, same mother. It was life-changing for me to meet others in whom I have a biological/genetic/ethnic connection. Though we were literally strangers who never knew one another- it was awesome to witness our similiar physical features, our mannerisms, similar likes/dislikes and our near identical voices. It is true that adoptees are a mix of nature and nuture. It was VERY healing for me to be connected to this genetic connection of who I am through my birth siblings. Thanks for sharing MJ and how great you have had this opportunity! It can be very meaningful and helpful to adoptees to embrace and witness their biological/ethnic roots and family! Jody Jody

Melissa J (13710) 09 Sep 2006 11:25 PM

Thanks Jody, I really appreciate your perspective as an adoptee. As a young child I would imagine the what-ifs as to whether I had siblings out there in the world. I knew when I was older, of course this was not likely. I didn't want my kids to have to wonder where their birth siblings are. I don't want them to feel they have to search or feel like they will hurt my feelings if they do; I would rather them having always known and it not be any huge surprise. I'm glad to hear you found significance in meeting your birth sisters. Blessings, MJ