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Birth Family and Entitlement in State Adoptions

I just wanted to touch on some thoughts I had relating to birth family, entitlement and communication. These are mostly things I wanted to get off my chest, but I hope someone who needs to hear them will have a better understanding of one adoptive mother’s perspective anyway. Allowing Contact with Birth Family Most parents I know would agree there is often a sense of loyalty within family—even within birth family. Whether or not this is true in any specific case, it’s because of this many adoptive parents are leery to allow much contact—if any, fearing some information, out of … Continue reading →

Mediated Agreements in Adoption

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When openness is desired while adopting a child through the state, it is usually achieved through a mediated agreement. Mediated contracts in adoption are legally binding voluntary agreements that are reached by two parties who are both committed to a specified degree of openness for the interest of the child. Unlike with open adoption, the adoptive parents are in the driver’s seat as they will be the legal parents for the child. Our mediation had to be completed prior to the adoption finalization of our son. We had an agreement with the birth father and another agreement with the paternal … Continue reading →

Making Contact: Setting Comfortable Limits with Our Child’s Adopted Siblings’ Families

One of my fears in preparing to meet my either of my sons’ siblings or adoptive families was what if they’re hopes for the degree of contact differs greatly from ours? I thought quite a bit about this and played out different scenarios in my mind. Part of me worried the families would rather not have any contact. When we first became a family, we had the constant reminder of adoption. We wanted to move on with life and feel normal. For this reason, I certainly would have understood my childrens’ birth siblings’ family wanting to move forward or have … Continue reading →

Making Contact: Finding My Child’s Adopted Siblings

After three years of playing amateur private investigator, I finally found the rest of my son’s birth siblings’ adoptive families. I desperately wanted more information on my son’s family medical background than I was given by our state. I wanted to know if the other families got more information on my son’s birth parents character as well. Here is the story on how we made contact. For easier reference and safety purposes, I will refer to my son’s birth siblings by their maternal birth order rather than their names. My son is the 6th child of 8 by his birthmother. … Continue reading →

The Relationship with a Child’s Birth Family

I really can’t speak for the majority of adoptive parents when it comes to relationships with a child’s birth family. Each adoption is so unique. When we adopted through our state, we’d assumed our adoptions would be closed. When we adopted our first son, our adoption was completely closed. We had quite a time searching for birth siblings as a result. Though we know where the birth parents are, for safety reasons we have not and will not pursue openness of any degree. Thankfully because of the information we have acquired more recently from his other birth family, any questions … Continue reading →

Defining Family

What is it that defines your family? Is your family defined by the people you’ve grown up with? Are they the one’s who’ve been there for you when you’ve needed them? I have chosen three main definitions of family to focus on: genetics, law and special relationship. When looking at family dynamics in adoption, we should know that people use any combination of these to base their perspective, some putting more priority on one over the other. Genetics: Being united by genes is one way people define family. Some people call this blood relation, or biologically related, and some call … Continue reading →

The Long Awaited TPR

For foster parents hoping to adopt their foster child and parents hoping to adopt their child’s birth sibling in the state system, the waiting for termination of parental rights (TPR) of the birth parents can be an emotional journey. What may look like an open and shut case doesn’t always turn out to be that way. In most cases birth parents are given every opportunity to regain custody of their child. Sometimes it can look like a birth parent is not following case plan. The state and the judge might agree that TPR in inevitable based on the evidence, but … Continue reading →

Meeting Birth Siblings

I’m struck with awe every time I meet a sibling of one of my boys’. When I get ready to meet one for the first time, I expect to see this strong resemblance between them and my child. Though I can usually fish for some similarities, it is so difficult to look at a child who is not a sibling by our immediate family relation and grasp that the child is related by genetics. I have been blessed to get to know both of my youngest son’s half siblings and three out of six of my older son’s birth siblings; … Continue reading →