Mediated Agreements in Adoption

by Melissa J | More from this Blogger

19 Aug 2006 08:47 PM

When openness is desired while adopting a child through the state, it is usually achieved through a mediated agreement. Mediated contracts in adoption are legally binding voluntary agreements that are reached by two parties who are both committed to a specified degree of openness for the interest of the child. Unlike with open adoption, the adoptive parents are in the driver's seat as they will be the legal parents for the child.

Our mediation had to be completed prior to the adoption finalization of our son. We had an agreement with the birth father and another agreement with the paternal birth grandmother. This was paid for by the tax payers of our state. Our mediator contacted us to get to know us and what our hopes are for openness. He then contacted the other parties and heard their desires. In each case, he typed up a draft for our review. We, the adopting parents then had whatever changes made that were necessary. Our mediator then submitted the corrected copies to the birth family who countered some things. We complied in one case and denied in another. In the end agreements were made with both parties and eventually filed at the finalization of our son's adoption.

What's difficult for some birth families to understand is this is not a completely equal negotiation. In our state of Oregon, an adoption will usually not be put on hold just because a birth family member is not happy with the amount of openness that an adopting family is willing to allow. The adopting family has the right to look out for the best interest of their child just as any other parent does. If at anytime during mediation, either party is not totally comfortable with the degree of openness, it doesn't have to happen. The way our agreement was written sets up minimal contact, but adds provisions for further openness should we allow it.

Mediated agreements are, in most cases, positive for children that have been adopted. We provided the birth family with a post office box address rather than our home address. We also gave the birth grandmother an email address. Our hope is with keeping contact with our son's birth family, should he one day have questions, we might be able to get answers. As well, he will get to know that his birth family loves him. We get to protect him by having some anonymity and control over any potentially negative influence there might be as a result of the circumstances that initially put my son in the State's care. In the end, we felt like everyone came out with something. Our goal was the same: we wanted what was best for our son.

( Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog )

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