Labor of the Heartby Melissa J | More from this Blogger 14 Oct 2006 10:01 PM I'm not qualified to make a true correlation between physical labor while giving birth to a child, and the labor pains of the heart in adoption. I have never experienced child birth first hand. I had the honor of being invited while a long time close friend of mine was awaiting the arrival of her and her husband's first child, a beautiful son by birth. I remember her contractions, the waiting for her next stage of labor to approach (she had a very, very long labor); the praying for her son, and for God to be with my friend to help her to bear what was happening. I watched as her husband held her hand and wanted to keep her comfortable. While getting to be a part of this experience that I didn't have with my boys, it really brought to mind the similarities between physical labor and labor of the heart. With adoption, I suppose I can liken the contractions to the hurrying-up-and-waiting. There were seasons of rest and contentment where my husband and I went about our lives, then there were those moments where my heart hurt so bad aching for a child, wondering when, if, how it was going to happen. Another way we experienced the hurrying-up-and-waiting was in having to get this or that done and submitted right away. Things would seem to be moving along--then nothing... I remember feeling so forgotten by the system wondering if our papers were lost on someone's desk, or if we'd ever get a call to attend committee in hopes of adopting a child. Like many, I had times of depression; I felt violated as our state knew everything about my personal life and I just wanted this season of laboring in my heart to be done! When the time came for our "delivery", it happened two-fold: The first was the hearing that we were chosen to be parents, then getting to bring our son home. The second exceeded a year in both our boys' cases, and happened once the judge declared us a forever family. The release that was felt after each of these wonderful events was amazing. I don't think there is really an easy way to have children. My friend's labor didn't look easy and our adoptions weren't easy. In my sons' life story books I have this poem I found that shares my feelings toward my boys: The Gift of Life I didn't give you the gift of life, But in my heart I know The love I feel is deep and real, As if it had been so. For us to have each other Is like a dream come true! No, I didn't give you The gift of life, Life gave me the gift of you. ---Author Unknown Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog Relevantadoption tags christmas | children | parenting | holidays | Food | family | Scrapbooking | baby | pregnancy | relationships User Comments  Jody Moreen (3274) 16 Oct 2006 10:13 PMBeautiful MJ and thanks for sharing this. Yes, I definately think prospective adoptive parents go through a "labor" regarding all the days of infertility , waiting and being screened and filling out endless paperwork. While biological parents just plan a baby and conceive with no qualifications often, adoptive parents must shine and prove that their intentions to adopt are in the best interest of the child. And this can be truly grueling - my adoptive mother shared this with me. Quite a humbling experience and one that can teach patience and trusting God's timing and open doors! Blessings, Jody  Melissa J (13710) 17 Oct 2006 12:49 PMYes, it was a journey of faith in the Lord for us too. Had we not worked to stand out as the best parents for a child, we wouldn't have taken valuable classes, read books on parenting, and leaned on the Lord in the same way. I know as my friend was pregnant, she did have some labor in her heart too. She worried about him and what she was eating, what she was doing and how it would effect her son. But unlike too many, I know she didn't take her pregancy for granted but recognized that God placed her son with her as well for His purpose and season for growing and rearing.  Kori Rodley Irons (8277) 20 Nov 2006 05:08 PMI am in the midst of the "waiting process" currently and it's actually a bit of a respite after all I went through to get here! After first applying with our state Department of Human Services, going through all the classes, finishing my homestudy, going to committee, not being chosen, asked to become a foster parent, going through certification, asked to take inappropriate referrals, and going through nearly two years of stress and daily effort, I finally regrouped and decided to pray and meditate about whether adoption was really in my future. I then started all over with a private, nonprofit agency--a new homestudy, paperwork, physical, etc. Finally, I have been on the "waiting list" since the end of September. Whew! So, having not known I would make it this far--and coupled with all the life changes that have happened on top of the adoption process, I'm using the waiting time to try to figure out how I'm going to pay for the rest of the process! The good thing about our very bumpy adoption ride so far, is that it's given my three biological teenagers plenty of time to process and get used to the idea of a new sibling. There are similarities to being pregnant--only for me, it is an extremely long "elephant" pregnancy and I don't get the benefit of all the well-wishes and belly rubs I had with my three birth children. Instead I get, "Are you still planning to go through with that adoption?!"  rsbg (501) 30 Dec 2006 10:21 PMMJ, I know this is an old article, but I just read it and it really speaks volumes to me. I am currently "laboring of the heart" and to be honest, I think it is MUCH harder than the physical labor I had with my 2 sons. Maybe it is that I have forgotten the "labor pains", but this "laboring of the heart" is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I am glad I read your article, you went through the same feelings that I am going through, and it is comforting to know that this is just part of the process. Maybe it is God's way of building a love in my heart soooo strong for our child to be. Thanks for helping me to see that! Community Tags birth, labor, placement, waiting Discuss this article
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