Just Like Dad

by Fatherofeight | More from this Blogger

20 Feb 2007 12:50 AM

Matthew Walter, our oldest adopted child, is the only one who remembers anything about his life before he was part of our family. He is very inquisitive about my family, particularly my father. The other boys rarely, if ever, show such an interest.

I look for opportunities with him to interject something about my father as we go through the day. For instance, this morning I took Matthew to have his eyes examined by an optometrist. When I could see that the doctor was making a good impression on him, I told him that my father and my grandfather (maternal) were both optometrists. The doctor saw what I was doing and said, "And maybe you can pick up the family tradition and be an eye doctor yourself someday, Matthew."

There are two stories about my Dad that he likes for me to repeat. When I was about Matthew's age, I figured out that I could lock my bedroom door. One evening, I managed to get the key stuck with the door locked and was stranded. When I got upset, the babysitter called my father who came home and kicked the door open.

I had just started high school when the second story occurred. I had walked across the street to a school book store and bought something. Next door to the store was a soda shop that catered to a gang. When I left the bookstore, a group of them jumped me and "initiated" me by forcibly paddling me with a broom.

By coincidence, Dad picked me up after school that day. He could tell that I was upset. I told him the story. He drove straight to the shop, threw the door open and said to the fifteen people there, "Who owns this _____ _____ dump?" He said it so loud that I could hear him from the car. When a woman volunteered that she did, he told her that she would not be open the next day. He was right. He was a fairly influential person in that town.

It's very obvious why Matthew likes for me to tell those stories. The first four and one half years of his life were filled with very high levels of anxiety. He is still dealing with the experience. When he was in terrifying situations, there was no one to rescue him. The stories reassure him that there is someone protecting him now.

I am a lot like my father and Matthew knows it. Dad died twenty years ago, so Matthew will never get to know him personally. He will know what my Dad was like by watching me. Someday he will probably be just like both of us.

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cmonet (48) 20 Feb 2007 06:32 AM

What a precious time. You are sowing seeds as you go along. This is encouraging to me. Thanks.

Fatherofeight (2475) 20 Feb 2007 08:52 AM

It is great that he wants to be like me and my Dad, I only hope that he copies the good things and doesn't pick up on my bad habits. One of our little boys said a very mild expletive at school which was reported to us. I am glad that they did not ask him where he heard the word. Parents need to always remember that little eyes are watching them.

PATTI (580) 20 Feb 2007 11:43 AM

Dear Ed, it is very heart warming to hear stories about your dad and your childhoodl What's even better is to pass it along to your young sons. PATTI

Fatherofeight (2475) 20 Feb 2007 03:20 PM

Its an important way that Matthew bonds to me and the family, it is how he chooses to do it so I make sure that my antenna is up when it happens. Having a caring father makes it a lot easier to know what to do, thanks for your comment, Ed.

melodyes_song (80) 21 Feb 2007 06:46 PM

Ed that story especially the lack of protection the first 4 years is very similar to our DS age 6, he had to be the protector, and he struggles believing my dh and I will protect him, it is encouraging to see that Matthew is growing in that area and is seeing the love and protection first hand...thanks for all you share!!!

Fatherofeight (2475) 21 Feb 2007 07:21 PM

Thanks Melody, it even took a while to make him feel like he no longer had to be the protector for his little brothers.

Andrea Hermitt (5512) 21 Feb 2007 07:27 PM

wow... your Dad sounds like my mom. When I was 15 she beat up a gang member for harrassing me. After that, the gang members wouldn't let anyone else mess with me either. (I don't recommend parents be so bold these days... gang members carry weapons now)

Fatherofeight (2475) 21 Feb 2007 07:32 PM

Lets hear it for dear Mom. Thanks, Andrea. There was a crowd of rough types in that place but Dad was mad, and you shouldn't mess with a mad Dad, or Mom.