Is Madonna Adopting?

Michelle Vandepas (579) 08 Oct 2006 07:37 AM

Madonna has every right to adopt - and go through the same process everyone else must go through. Money can't buy children. That's the whole point.

Shoshanna Grey (2785) 09 Oct 2006 01:47 PM

I agree with you. However, the country of Malawi does not allow international adoption. If these articles are true, then the rules were changed just for Madonna. That should not happen. I have no problem with celebrities adopting. I have even written several posts about it and feel that overall it is a good thing for the adoption community because it makes the public aware of the need for adoptive parents. Instead, I have concerns about rules being changed only for celebrity adoptive parents.

Anna Glendenning (4234) 20 Oct 2006 02:06 PM

I just don't have a problem with Madonna Adopting. In the last several years she has written several books for children and frankly most of the freak show stuff of the 80's was just that a show.... Thankfully, during our home study no one really judged me on the things I did, said or sang about during the 80's.

I am not even so sure I have a problem with the fact that large sums of money may change hands. Wealthy people have always been know to give charity to Orphans and Widows. So long as the money was not given to "people or parents" or right to the government.

I also don't have a problem with rule bending on placements. I personally, have my own feelings about international adoption when there are 120,000 children waiting in the US to be adopted. But, that is a different story.

We are not even sure this adoption went through the "SAME" process as he has a father. There may be different rules when the Parent Willingly Places a child... I know that even in the US private adoptions agreements are made all the time that don't FIT the letter of all the rules we have in place. Unless the government is involved in most cases a birthmother (birthparent) can place a child for adoption with Anyone they want, Look at Michael Jackson..... I don't know of any DHS caseworker who would have arranged for that situation.

I think the ONLY issue that bugs me here is that the child has a father and I have heard reports that he was unable to understand what was happening.

Shoshanna Grey (2785) 28 Oct 2006 09:41 PM

I don't have a problem with Madonna adopting - as long as she went through all of the proper legal channels. I think it is important that EVERYONE go through the same process to adopt, celebrity or not.

Julie Gentry (5915) 09 Jan 2007 12:36 AM

The baby's dad is still there. That's what I have a problem with. If she was poorer, I doubt the child would've been given to her.

Valorie Delp (49340) 23 Sep 2007 03:13 PM

I think you've lost sight of something though. . .

adoption laws in every country are different. There are some countries where the parents are actually a part of the send off ceremony. I have a good friend who adopted and all the little girl's parents, family and friends were there to see her off. Weird to us but that's simply how it's done. I also have never heard that she didn't go through the proper channels. . .but I'm sure her home study wasn't publicized as widely as her trip. Like Anna--I just don't think it's that big of a deal.

Valorie Delp (49340) 25 Sep 2007 02:25 AM

Your comments were harsh and unnecessary. You need to stop the personal attacks. Why someone would respond that way is unfathomable to me. My point was simply that in some countries, children in orphanages who are adoptable still have parents and are not truly orphaned as some others in the section had mentioned having a problem with the fact that he still had a father. I'm sorry to have offended you. Please refrain from leaving such lengthy comments and please refrain from attacking people with whose opinions you disagree.

Shoshanna Grey (2785) 25 Sep 2007 07:31 AM

Having just returned from Africa myself, I only just saw all of these comments to this blog entry. I agree that it personal attacks have no place here. Please contact the poster through private message if you wish to express your disagreement with something they have said. And as Valerie mentioned, please do keep your comments on the blogs on the shorter side - a few sentances most of the time. If you have more to say on the subject, please feel free to start a thread on the adoption forum and link to the blog entry you're talking about. This will also get you more readership because many more people read the forums than read the comments on individual blog entries.

Shoshanna Grey (2785) 25 Sep 2007 07:40 AM

On to the issue that I believe started the disagreement in the first place. . .

Valerie is absolutely right that many children who are not "true orphans" (ie: the parents are both deceased) are adopted. In fact, this is the case with most adoptions whether international or domestic. Instead, most children are placed for adoption because one or both parents cannot care for them. I now (as of this week!) have 3 children adopted from Guatemala and Liberia and all three of them still have both parents living. However, the extreme poverty that is found in many countries causes parents to often have to do something that we in more developed and wealthy countries cannot imagine - making the decision to place their child with another family so that they would have the chance of a future. I think that until we are personally in that situation, we have no way of truly understanding the birth parents perspective.

Returning to what I was trying to say from the beginning - I have NO PROBLEM with Madonna adopting (though I do sometimes wonder if she is the best person to parent a child - but then we all have our faults). I also don't have a problem with her adopting a child who has a living parent. My problem with Madonna's adoption is that she went to a country that has decided not to allow their children to be placed out of the country, she waved a bunch of money around, and she took the child home. In my book, that is simply unacceptable.

Valorie Delp (49340) 25 Sep 2007 08:48 AM

Rachel. . .I was curious and looked it up and the state department has instructions for how to adopt in Malawi. http://travel.state.gov/family/adoption/country/country_417.html

I did note that it said that one had to foster a child in country for a minimum of 24 months (that's the period) but you can apparently do that and then bring the child back once your adoption is approved. But the local court can waive that requirement and so I guess I'm not sure why it's such a big deal that they chose to waive it. We (meaning the media I suppose) assume that she must've bribed someone but I guess I feel like it's possible that they just saw it as a really good opportunity for the little boy. Not to mention the fact that it seems she had an arrangement with the boy's father. I'm sure it's a slap in the face to those who have waited forever to go through the process--I know it takes a long time to adopt internationally--but I guess I feel like life isn't fair, nor should it be and well, the local courts can do as they see fit. In any case, I do see your point. And on a side note--congratulations on your new additions? I look forward to reading about your journeys soon!

Shoshanna Grey (2785) 25 Sep 2007 08:54 AM

Valorie, thanks for the input. I wrote that blog entry almost a year ago and a lot of information has come forward since then. It sounds like maybe the information we had at first wasn't accurate. To be honest, I have been so busy adopting 3 kids all in the same year that I have not kept up with her story since it initially "broke" last fall. Thank you for updating here because I certainly want what is posted to be accurate.

Valorie Delp (49340) 25 Sep 2007 09:10 AM

Woops. . .LOL I wasn't at all trying to update. . .actually I was just reading comments and jumped in when I saw the super long ones. The blog is fantastic and when I initially read the story a year ago I agreed with you. Hindsight is always 20/20 is it not? Sorry to jump in so much here. . . Again, congratulations on your new additions.

Pam Connell (2658) 27 Sep 2007 04:49 PM

Let's all remember that's it is easier to misunderstand people in writing, when we cannot hear tone of voice, see facial expressions, or in some cases cannot use italics, etc. to show what we really want emphasized. I don't want us to jump to conclusions about each other.

I am convinced that Valorie loves children and people. I read her comment "that's simply how it's done" as just a way of speaking; I do not think she meant to imply that a birthparent letting go of a child is simple or easy. I did not think she was calling the birthparents, country or sendoff ceremony "weird". I think she was only saying that it may seem to be odd or unusual to the casual news reader who probably associates adoption only with orphans.

I do think kiwibird brings up a good point that sometimes sponsorship programs may be a better option in cases where donations toward a child's educational or medical care may enable them to stay with family. I also respect that sometimes adoption is the better option for the birthfamilies and children, and I have the greatest respect for the emotional pain I imagine birthparents face upon placement.