I Don't Like My Skin, Part Two

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

How do you respond when your four-year-old tells you that she doesn't like her skin, she wants your skin? Here's what I did-and what I wish I'd done.

I'm not sure there's a right answer to that question. I followed my number one rule of trying to maintain a normal voice so the kids won't feel like any topic in unapproachable. I told her I liked her skin, it was a pretty golden brown color. I told her people can't trade skin. I told her God made her the way she was because he liked her that way, and God doesn't make mistakes. (As I said this I realized we had just been talking about getting her droopy eyelid fixed-fortunately she didn't pick up on this line of thought.)

If I had it to do over again, I might focus more on her feelings of wanting to be like me. I know that children her age are said to be gaining awareness of racial discrimination, but given the diverse area we live in, I think it was more a matter of wanting to be like Mom and Dad. I would remind her that both Mom and Dad have different hair color than either of their parents.

I might say that when I was younger I felt a bit different too. (I think I felt special, not bad, to be the only blonde in the family. But I do remember people always asking if I was adopted (I wasn't).

In the next few days I'll point out family similarities and differences-she has her father's and sister's sense of humor, her brother's inventiveness, she likes to read like Mommy, etc. She has a cousin who has different hair color than anyone in her immediate family, and another cousin whose shiny black bob is exactly like Regina's.

Has anyone had a similar experience? I'd love to hear your comments below, and how you responded.

Please see these related blogs:

I Don't Like My Skin, Part One

Examining my Own Attitudes Toward Race

Extended Families' Attitudes About Skin Color

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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