Search Results for: blog helping a traumatized child build a sense of security and safety

Talk of Tattling in the Forums

There are many childhood phases that parents and teachers and child caregivers must endure. One of those phases is well known and often barely tolerated by adults. As those of you who keep up with the forums know, tattling can get the best of all of us. The discussion listed in the Ages and Stages 3-5 year old forum is about how to handle tattling. Like with most childhood milestones and phases, everyone has a different point of view. If five childhood psychologists were interviewed, they would all probably tell you something different to do about the issue. Some suggest … Continue reading →

Book Review: We Wanted You

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We Wanted You, by Liz Rosenberg, is a wonderful addition to a child’s library, especially the library of a child who came to his or her family through adoption. The book is simple enough to be understood by a three-year-old, yet the beautiful illustrations by Peter Catalanotto will appeal to younger and older readers, and the message of love will be reassuring to adoptees of any age. The words and pictures interact uniquely to tell the story of Enrique. The pictures begin with the present and go back to the past, while the words tell the adoptive parents’ story from … Continue reading →

Love You Forever–Reassuring Your Adopted Child

“I want to go bye-bye!” my four-year-old sobs. This has become her standard response to being reprimanded. I usually tell her she can go to her room. Then I make sure to add, “We’ll be here when you’re ready.” There is nothing particularly unusual about this, of course. It would be wrong to assume adoption is the primary cause of every emotion my daughters have. However, many adoptive parents and adoption professionals report that adopted children often experience insecurity and fear of abandonment. The last few times my daughter has wanted to go bye-bye, I tell her, “I would come … Continue reading →

How to Handle a Tattling Student

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On a regular basis, tattling can be a problem. Children and adults alike can become very frustrated with a tattler. If you have a child that is a compulsive tattler, there are some things that you can do to try to get the tattling under control. Before reprimanding the child for tattling, make certain that you are clear about what behavior it is that you do not desire. You never want to give the child the impression that he/she cannot come to you for help or in times of trouble. Although you can realize that there is a huge difference … Continue reading →

Why Do Students Tattle?

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Tattling is an issue that most kindergarten and primary teachers confront on a daily basis. The topic is very touchy because of the very thin line separating when a child should tattle and when a child should not tattle. At the beginning of each school year, I have to discuss with my students that tattling is not allowed unless someone is hurt or in danger. Tattling occurs among different children for different reasons. Some children, especially brothers and sisters, tattle to try to get other children in trouble. This is usually done for revenge or spite. The two children may … Continue reading →

Teaching Our Kids to Pray

A Children’s Protective Services caseworker visited our home one Thursday evening. It was not an unannounced visit. We knew she was coming and anxiously awaited her arrival; she was delivering our new family. Our angst was well founded; our life as we knew it, was about to drastically change from an empty nest home to a family of four with two very confused and frightened little boys. Since that special day, we have had many learning experiences with the boys. I became a teacher on a regular basis. I have taught them daily hygiene, good manners, the importance of self … Continue reading →

Insecurity in Adopted Children, Part 2

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In July, 2004, we found out that the birth mother of our four boys had given birth to yet another boy. I will write on that event soon. I want to now focus on a detail of what happened. We quickly informed the state authorities that we wanted him. As we were making arrangements to pick him up, they described him as a beautiful child that was definitely African American. The boys are racially mixed; four of our five boys have African American ancestry. They all are various shades of brown, but only one clearly has the typical features of … Continue reading →

Insecurity in Adopted Children

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Our adopted children occasionally struggle with feeling secure with their new family. Some of the behaviors are obvious and expected, while others are not. Tommy came to our home from a brief stay in a foster home which had followed a stay in an inner city shelter. He was 30 months old. He was prone to throwing rages. Many of them were triggered by insecurity issues. Tommy would become hysterical when either of us left the house. It was even triggered when he heard one of us discussing running an errand. The mere sight of a suitcase or a packed … Continue reading →

Foster Children Need Love

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Sometimes foster children come into a home so distressed and traumatized that it is difficult to imagine how they could ever adjust to anything but institutional living. On May 5, 2003, Walter and Jacob came to live with us. We already had their two brothers, Tommy and Caleb. Jacob was very difficult to handle. We now had, Caleb, four months old, Jacob, 18 months old, Tommy, 30 months old, and, Walter, who was four and a half. Tommy was having hysterical, screaming rages quite regularly. Walter was very hyperactive and obviously anxious. Jacob could not get along with any of … Continue reading →

Helping a Traumatized Child Build A Sense of Security and Safety

Trauma creates fear and stress sensitivity in children. Even children adopted at birth, may be more anxious and fearful considering a babies possible prenatal exposure to substances, and other stresses their birthmother may have experienced. Regardless of the age a child is when placed for adoption our primary focus needs to be about building feelings of security and safety so our children learn to establish and build healthy attachments. These are just a few steps we can take to help our children develop a sense of security and feel safe. Establish a strong support system for occasional respite care, discussing … Continue reading →