Group Apologies and Ethnic Shame Part Two: Can We Understand Each Other?

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

25 Apr 2007 07:49 AM

Part One of this blog told of the apologies being offered by some Koreans, Korean-Americans, and adoption agency officials in Korea expressing shame that a Korean-American student could massacre students at Virginia Tech. Many of us wonder why someone would feel the need to apologize for or feel shame because of the behavior of someone they don't know.

I believe there is a cultural difference, at least in degree, between "majority" Euro-American culture and some other cultures. America is a society that really values individualism, individual rights, freedom. Other countries have more of a communal outlook, I think. Of course Americans are also concerned with the common good and of course other cultures value each individual life, but I think I perceive a subtle difference in emphasis.

Perhaps looking at this can help us understand why some ethnic groups still feel negatively about transracial or international adoption-some even referring to it as cultural genocide. In the US we in the majority may shake our heads at the idea that someone would subjugate the good of a child to an ideal of preserving a heritage

I was watching a TV show back in 1993 in which African-American social workers spoke against transracial adoption. My housemate, watching with me, became agitated. "Hutch" loved kids and worked at a school, coached basketball, and volunteered in a grief group for children of hospice patients. When the social workers referred to "our children", he became incensed. "They're not your children!" he shouted. He was incensed at the very idea that a group of people would make a proprietary claim on an individual child, let alone one which might prevent that child from finding a family as soon as possible.

The US is an individualistic culture. Other cultures, I think, do feel more a part of the group-in bad ways and good ways. Sometimes I think they take more responsibility for looking out for each other.

Shortly after the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995, I read an article by a white teacher who taught in a largely African-American school. The teacher wrote that his students came to him and told him not to feel too bad, they didn't blame him. He was bewildered that they would even think to say this. "But Mr. X," the students replied, "Timothy McVeigh [the bomber] is white." He realized then the cultural divide-he didn't identify at all with Timothy McVeigh because of their shared membership in an ethnic group. He realized his students tended to internalize shame for crimes committed by members of their race--whether for cultural reasons or blame assigned them from the larger society or both, who can say?

Similarly, many whites are honestly bewildered by the suggestions of making "reparations" for slavery or wrongs done to Native Americans. It seems the height of unfairness to be fined for something we didn't do, as many of us see it.

I am personally not in favor of either reparations or of limiting transracial adoption. But I am trying to understand how those who advocate these things may come from a culture of collective responsibility. Understanding this may help us bridge the gap instead of seeing others' positions as irrational or opportunistic.

Please see these related blogs:

Group Apologies and Ethnic Shame?--No Thanks

Backlash Against Korean Adoptees/Families?

Social Competencies

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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