Group Apologies and Ethnic Shame?--No Thanks

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

25 Apr 2007 12:43 AM

The director of my daughters' adoption agency in Seoul has issued an apology on behalf of Koreans for the actions of Seung-Hui Cho, the young man who killed 32 fellow students and faculty at Virginia Tech University last week. (Cho was a South Korean citizen but a legal resident of the US who came here at the age of eight.) The apology was disseminated by an American adoption agency in Virginia which partners with the Korean agency in placing Korean children for adoption in the US.

My local newspaper featured a Korean-American state legislator issuing a public apology and a student leader at the University of Washington saying, "After hearing about the killer's racial background, I felt as if I am the one who caused the tragedy. I couldn't look people in the eye." (For the full article, click here.) Even the Korean Ambassador to the US suggested the Korean community fast and "repent". (For the full story, click here.)

I understand the Korean agency's concern about its relationships with its American partners and Koreans' worry about a possible racist backlash. I have met the director who made this apology and admire him immensely. I am saddened that he felt he had to make this apology.

Yet, my first reaction is disbelief. Call me naïve-I have a hard time believing there will be a backlash against all Koreans. And certainly I don't want my kids to think they should accept some responsibility because of where they born or made to feel that they have to apologize for the actions of another Korean. It makes it feel closer to home when someone who was such an important part of my child's early life feels the need to apologize.

The apologies offered by some in the Korean and Korean-American communities have baffled some adoptive parents. We worry these apologies will make our children think they should feel shame, and we don't understand why someone would feel the need to apologize for the actions of someone they don't know.

Part of me is mad that I even have to think about this or hear so much discussion about it. Of course I have prayed and sorrowed for the victims at Virginia Tech. But initially, even upon learning the shooter was Korean, I didn't think much about it. Upon seeing all the media coverage, I like to think I would be equally dismayed on behalf of my immigrant neighbors from Mexico or any other country if a country's flag was superimposed on a photo of a murderer. But reading the responses from the adoptive parent community and the Korean American community, especially by an influential person I know and admire, brings it all home in a new way.

Being a multiracial family is something we are learning to deal with as the children grow. But taking on shame for a stranger's actions is something I don't want my kids to do.

Please see these related blogs:

Backlash Against Korean Adoptees/Families?

Would They Have Done That To Me?

Dispelling Racial Myths In The Media

I Have a Dream

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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