Search Results for: blog extended families attitudes about skin color

I Don’t Like My Skin, Part Two

How do you respond when your four-year-old tells you that she doesn’t like her skin, she wants your skin? Here’s what I did—and what I wish I’d done. I’m not sure there’s a right answer to that question. I followed my number one rule of trying to maintain a normal voice so the kids won’t feel like any topic in unapproachable. I told her I liked her skin, it was a pretty golden brown color. I told her people can’t trade skin. I told her God made her the way she was because he liked her that way, and God … Continue reading →

Backlash Against Korean Adoptees/Families?

Some Koreans, and adoptive parents of Korean-born children, have expressed fear of a backlash since the Virginia Tech shootings by a Korean-born young man. Seung-Hui Cho was a South Korean citizen and a legal permanent resident of the US who came here at the age of eight. I have not personally encountered racism as a multiracial family except on one occasion when another child said of (and in front of) my daughter, “She doesn’t look like an American.” I have worried that if tensions escalated with North Korea Koreans might be judged on their appearance the way some people of … Continue reading →

Examining My Own Attitudes Toward Race

On Saturday, I wrote about my parents’ attitude toward skin color (loving, but in an “it-doesn’t-matter-so-don’t-talk-about-it” sort of way). Now I have to ask myself, how much of their discomfort talking about race rubbed off on me? I am white, with a white son and two Korean daughters. I guess I’d better get comfortable talking about it quick. I wrote a poem for my first daughter called “My Beautiful Caramel-Colored Daughter”. I absolutely love her smooth, golden-brown skin and sparkling black eyes. I love the way the light rosy blush on my youngest’s cheek looks against her light tan face. … Continue reading →

Extended Family’s Attitudes about Skin Color

I know a couple of adoptive families who were interested in adopting from Korea, but said their extended families wouldn’t fully accept a child of color and that wouldn’t be fair to the child. One friend’s father had been a POW in the Korean War and held negative views ever after. Our own families were very supportive of our adopting from Korea. Nonetheless I’ve observed a couple of instances where they are uncomfortable talking about skin color. In another blog I described how my Korean-born daughter always chose the darker chair for herself and the lighter one for her brother, … Continue reading →

Feeling Different from Family?

My mother is worried. She is worried that taking our daughters to Korean culture camp, Korean lessons and Korean-adoptee playgroups will make them feel different from the rest of us. Part of me wants to roll my eyes at her and scream, “I think they’ve noticed we’re a bit different, Mom.” While we’re lucky to live in a pretty diverse community, my daughter does hear people ask me where her mother is. She’s heard someone make a condescending remark about how my children obviously have different fathers. She’s even been told once by another child that she “doesn’t look like … Continue reading →