Rituals and Ceremonies For Adoptive Families

Adoptive parents are a diverse group. On average they are slightly higher income than the general population and have a slightly higher average educational level than the general populace. They come from all religious persuasions and from none. For those adoptive parents who practice a religion, that religion can be a bonding force for their new family. Families who do not practice a religion may nonetheless seek a special ritual or celebration to mark the arrival of a child and various milestones in the adoption process and in the family’s life. Some families have entrustment ceremonies when birthparents place an … Continue reading

Entrustment Ceremonies

In my last blog I said that adoptive parents, who have often been at the mercy of social workers and birthmothers to tell them if and when they can parent, need to claim their child as their own. If this is not done it can interfere with the parents’ ability to give themselves to the child completely. Sometimes the parents feel so lucky to have been given this child that they don’t provide needed discipline. Many adoptive parents enjoy formalizing the transition with a ritual, especially since the actual court appearance may take less than five minutes and/or may be … Continue reading

Book Review: The Open Adoption Experience

The Open Adoption Experience, by Lois Ruskai Melina and Sharon Kaplan Roszia, is a comprehensive resource for birth and adoptive families. It talks about options on the spectrum of openness, from non-identifying information only, to letters and photos through an intermediary, through visits on birthdays, to frequent visits. The book was written in 1993 and so has only a small section on international adoption, reflecting the fact that few international adoptions were open at that time. (Most still are, but openness—at least through letters and photos—is becoming more common.) Nevertheless, the authors briefly share the experiences of half a dozen … Continue reading

Birth Parents (Part 6) Acceptance

Accepting the loss and working through the grief doesn’t mean birth parents forget the baby they placed for adoption. It doesn’t mean birth mothers or birth fathers don’t experiences times of feeling sorrow or regret for their loss. Acceptance means birth parents allow themselves to move forward with their lives and integrate the loss into their future lives. There are a number ways birth mothers and birth fathers have found which often help them deal with loss and grief and move to a place of acceptance: Entrustment ceremonies: Some adoption agencies, adoptive parents and birth parents have found a simple … Continue reading