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Developmental Vs. Chronological Age

One thing parents should keep in mind is that a child’s developmental age may not be the same as his/her chronological age. This may happen more often with children who are adopted as they may have lacked the stimulation to reach developmental milestones, psychological stages of development may be interrupted by a move, or the child may be busy adjusting to a new environment, schedule and parents rather than using that energy to progress in development. It is even psychologically healthy, adoption counselors say, for children to repeat some of the stages of development with their new parents. For example, … Continue reading →

Occupational Therapy: Overview

Occupational therapy is similar in some ways to physical therapy, and different in others. According to the American Occupational Therapy Association, occupational therapy “enables people of all ages to live life to its fullest by helping them promote health and prevent—or live better with—illness, injury or disability.” (From the AOTA website.) Occupational therapy can help patients develop or regain the fine-motor skills that allow us to do everyday tasks like tying shoes, writing, and using utensils. Other goals of occupational therapy may be improving basic reasoning skills or compensating for a permanent loss of function. Who needs occupational therapy? Patients … Continue reading →

Helping the “Parentified” Child

My last blog talked about children who have assumed responsibilities inappropriate for their age, and now must learn to be children—to trust, to explore, to play, to allow the adopted parent to parent any younger siblings. Most older children go through a “honeymoon phase” with their new family. When newly placed, they greatly desire to please these new adults who have the power to care for them and the hope of a family to offer. During this phase, behavior is generally fairly good. “Parentified” children may be uncommonly good at chores and self-care activities. Conflict in the early stages of … Continue reading →

Children Who Don’t Know How to be Children

Sometimes adoptive parents are surprised to discover that an older adopted child, toddler, school-age or teen, does not fit our society’s image of a child. Sometimes children have been responsible for taking care of themselves. Perhaps they were left alone at home a lot and are used to getting their own food, doing their schoolwork alone, following through themselves on school expectations, paperwork, and items needed, and/or taking care of the house. Some of them have been responsible for taking care of other children. Some of them have even been taking care of their parents or the other adults in … Continue reading →

Almost Six Years Old, or Only Five Years Here?–More Adoption Time Muddles

Mary Ann recently wrote a blog on Should You Hold Your Child Back a Year? This is really pertinent for me right now. I wrote a blog last month about my ambivalence about Regina starting school. She is a bit behind in speech and fine motor skills and is not big on sitting still. (Adopted kids often have a difference between their developmental age and their chronological age. This may be because attachment anxiety keeps them from concentrating their energy on development, or because adopted children often repeat developmental stages with their new family. For internationally adopted kids, less time … Continue reading →

Preferred Parent?

It is normal for any parent to feel jealousy if a child seems to bond with someone else more easily than with them. Perhaps those feelings are exacerbated for adoptive parents who’ve waited a long time to be parents and who may secretly wonder if they are missing some primal biological connection. But it’s important to keep the situation in perspective. In reality, all children, adopted or not, will go through periods of seeming to prefer one parent over another. One common reason is simply time spent together. This works both ways. Naturally a child may bond first to the … Continue reading →

Basic Nurture: Catching Up

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When a child has not received basic nurturing as an infant, there is a deep need to receive what he missed, even if it comes several years later. I want to preface what I am about to write by saying that I am not a medical or psychological expert. I am raising children who were deprived of their basic necessities as infants. My wife and I have done our best to solve the problem based upon information from people who are experts and various publications which address the issue. Three of our children came to us when they were four … Continue reading →

Week in Review for Jan. 14-21

We really appreciate all of our readers who’ve helped us get this year off to a great start! Here’s a recap of blogs from Sunday January 14 through Sunday January 21. Sunday, January 14 Ed shared his success story of finding the right school for his children in Our New School. Anna continued her poignant letter to her daughter in Makala, We Decided We Wanted to Adopt You and Your Brother. I (Pam) did a Book Review: Inside Transracial Adoption. This book is one-half information on identity formation and complex issues, but one-half fascinating glimpses into real experiences of transracial … Continue reading →