Choosing Whether and How to Adopt Transracially--Our Decision

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

13 Jan 2007 08:53 PM

Adoption workers usually advise people considering transracial adoption to consider how their families and communities will accept and support a child of a different race, realizing that the child will not be a baby forever--transracial adoption means having a teen-ager and grandchildren of other races. The next question is whether the parents have resources to help the child feel pride in his/her culture, and whether the child will see role models who look like him/herself. We felt that the first issue was not a problem. (In fact my parents had nearly adopted an African-American boy themselves-that adoption never took place for unrelated reasons.) We also felt that there were a variety of cultural resources in the Seattle area and that we would be able to access them. As for role models, in our particular area and in our church there were many Latinos and Asians but few African-Americans. Growing up, my primary experience of diversity was a large Filipino community at my church and school. My husband lived in a rural area and attended largely white schools. However he was a seasonal farmworker from age 14 all through college and worked alongside harvesters from Mexico and sometimes immigrants from Southeast Asia.

I was aware of the need for people to adopt African-American or biracial infants. Our agency did not at that time do transracial adoption of infants (we felt it better for any new children to be younger than our son). There was another local agency which specialized in placing African-American and biracial babies in semi-open transracial adoptions. (Semi-open usually means the birthmother has some say in selecting who the adoptive parents will be, and letters and occasionally visits are arranged through an intermediary.) I did feel hesitation about pursuing this route. I hope my discomfort was not racist. I know a large part of it was worry about how African-Americans would view the adoption. I knew many African-Americans were against African-American children being adopted by Euro-American couples. I heard a presentation by African-American social workers asking how we would prepare a Black teen-ager for being stopped by the police or tailed in a store. I had to admit, I had no idea. The idea was completely foreign to me (yes, I was hopelessly naïve-but at least I recognized that I was naïve).

I should point out that our deliberations took place nearly ten years ago. Not only have transracial adoptions become more common again, but our community now has many more Black people as well. (Interestingly, we have more residents who are recent immigrants from Africa than residents who are culturally African-American, although we have more of those now too--including a good friend who teaches at our children's school.)

Our next idea was to adopt from Central America since there is such a large Latino community at our church. But then I began to wonder if it would actually be harder for a child to be in a church with such a tight-knit "community within a parish" when she would likely never feel quite at one with that community despite looking like she belonged there. Our parish had lots of Asian role models as well, and--perhaps since they were from many different countries--they seemed more integrated into the general community.

Finally, once we decided on international adoption there were other differences between countries-length of time we'd have to travel, medical history available on the children, the adoption situation in each country-which influenced our decision to eventually choose Korea.

See these related blogs:

African American Support of Transracial Adoption

Educating Yourself about Trans-racial Adoption

Should You Adopt Transracially?

Ethnic Culture Class, Part 1

Ethnic Culture Class, Part 2

American Children Are Being Adopted in Foreign Lands

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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Andrea Hermitt (5664) 16 Jan 2007 05:34 PM

Just as a starving man will not pick and choose over basket of apples, but grab the first one to catch his eye, regardless of shade, I wish adopted children were plucked up just as eagerly. But I am admittantly niave.

It saddens me that blacks would tell whites they don't have the right to love a black child and then go on to convince them as to why the green apple might be more filling than the red, when they are just starving to love a child as their own. It is just very, very sad.

I have to admit however, that I find myself staring whenever I see a black child with parents that don't match. It must be disconcerting to have people stare like that. I try to remember to smile, but It leaves me in awesome wonder when I see a child happily hanging from, or climbing on a parent, and sharing a closeness that can only come between parent and child, when the brain tells you that it cannot be natural.

Pam Connell (2753) 16 Jan 2007 06:25 PM

Thanks so much for reading Andrea. I'm glad the closeness between parent and child shows. To us I think I think being parent and child comes to feel so natural that I don't really notice staring--until, like I wrote in the "Where is her Mother" blog, someone smiles and chats with us for a while, then wonders where her mother is and if she's lost. :-)

I think there was some logic to our decisions about where to adopt given the role models available in our particular little part of the Pacific Northwest at the time. I guess none of us can ever be quite sure how much of a role in our decisions may have been played by subconscious biases or undue worry what others might think. I just try now to make sure the kids have exposure to individuals from all ethnic heritages, not just theirs and ours.

Teresa McEntire (2984) 06 Mar 2007 12:25 PM

A white family that attends our church adopted an African-American boy after having three girls. I love seeing them together. She recently shared a story that I just love. She was explaining to her then eight year old daughter about how the new baby was different (meaning his skin color) than her other children. Her daughter replied, "Of course he's different. He's a boy and we're all girls." It's too bad that the rest of the world can't be as color blind.

Pam Connell (2753) 06 Mar 2007 06:47 PM

Thanks for reading Teresa. That reminds me of a comment by my then-3 1/2 year old son described in my blog: Other Kids' Reactions to My Adopted Kids' Skin Color http://adoption.families.com/blog/other-kids-reactions-to-my-adopted-kids-skin-color

Kids just seem to have so much common sense at times.