Changing Your Child's Nameby Melissa J | More from this Blogger 24 Aug 2006 05:39 PM A common question I hear among families that are adopting an older child is; should they change their child's name? I believe there is a degree of claiming that happens upon naming your child, therefore there are some benefits. Some children who have been adopted feel like their entire original identity has been removed from them when their name is changed. So it's important to consider the big picture when making such a decision. Our first son came to us at 13 mo. For his safety, his name needed to be changed. We slowly changed his name, first by calling him by his birth name, then using his new name as if it were a middle name. Eventually we dropped the birth name altogether. I often suggest to people keeping the birth name as a middle name if they can. We did not do this because our son's birth name was the same as his birth father's. We thought if he was going to have a father's name as a middle name, it should be the father that raises him. Our second son had a nice name but an odd spelling. He was placed with us at 5 months old as a foster child. At about one year old when we found out we would likely get to adopt him, our whole family was used to his name so we decided to leave it. We gave him a new middle name and changed the spelling of his first name to a more traditional spelling. Ultimately it's your right as a parent to change your child's name. If you should do so, please do so carefully. The names we chose for our kids, we did with great care. Both my boys' names have significant meanings that pertain to them specifically. I hope as they grow up they will consider this and understand why we made the decision we did to rename them. (Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog ) Relevantadoption tags christmas | children | parenting | holidays | Food | family | Scrapbooking | baby | pregnancy | relationships User Comments  Jody Moreen (3274) 25 Aug 2006 08:37 PMAs an adult adoptee, I find this post interesting MJ! I was adopted at 9 mos of age and then my parents renamed me at the time of the adoption. I never did ask my mom if they called me Carol Ann, my birth name in the beginning or if they just chose to call me Jody. I do like the name they gave me and I when I found out my birth name as an adult, I did not regret that my name was changed. Actually it felt very strange to hear my birth name- for it did not seem to fit me. We often do become possessive of our names, that is if we like them. I would think it would be best in older child adoption to keep part of the name at least. As you said, these adoptees have faced several losses in their lives and so it is good to have them keep their name, something that they can feel they can always have. I know an adoptee, who met her birth father when she was in college. He kept wanting to call her by her birth name and even though she told him she was not comfortable with it- he continued to do so. It created a huge wall in their relationship and in short time the relationship ceased. My suggestion is for parents to ponder this topic for some time. Pray about it and make sure if you rename the child, that it is a name you embrace and honor. When an adoptee from closed adoption discovers their birth name, I have witnessed that it is quite lifechanging. Thanks for this post MJ! Jody  Melissa J (13710) 26 Aug 2006 08:13 PMThanks Jody for your perspective. I can't see my older son being called by his birth name. My younger son, I battled with a name change. I though a lot about naming his first name what his current middle name is. By the time we even knew we could adopt him, he had been called by his birth firstname for so long we kept it.  Valorie Delp (49340) 27 Aug 2006 05:43 AMI know many, many families who have adopted from China and they have all changed their children's names--and many of them have been adopted "older". The big reason they changed the names wasn't because the kids had Chinese names, but because the children were all named after the street they were found on. One family I know, who has adopted 7 children--4 from China--said that it was like a re-birthing for their older children. 'You are no longer named by where you were found--but you have an identity and place with us now.' I just think that's a really neat testimony and picture of how we are 'adopted' into God's fold. Thanks for the article MJ. Melissa J (13710) 27 Aug 2006 01:01 PMGasp! I can not imagine being named after a street I was found on. I have heard of children in the system named after drug nicknames. It's so terribly sad. Names are so important and IMO should be thought out with great care. Whether the mother and father just loves the sound of the name or the name has great meaning. Thanks Valorie for sharing. sandraspeaks (10) 28 Aug 2006 07:08 PMJust adopted an almost 6 yr old from China in March 2006, before you leave the providence they will ask you, "What will be her English name?" Also most people in Guangzhou in the shops will have an English name and also a Chinese name as some names are easier to remember and say. I believe they tell the older children in China that they are coming to start over, they get new parents, a new life, and a new name. We didn't erase anything from her past. We made her Chinese name her middle name so it will always be a part of her life. Unlike an infant, she can remember being in China and can speak/understand Chinese. She knows both her English name and Chinese names. sandraspeaks :) Melissa J (13710) 01 Sep 2006 07:08 PMThanks Sandraspeaks for sharing that and congratulations on your daughter! That is wonderful.  Anna Glendenning (4234) 02 Sep 2006 04:58 PMWe did not even consider for a moment changing either of our children's first names... It was NOT an option in my heart at all... Makala was 5 and her biological brother Jeremiah was only 1 when we became their parents. We did change their middle names to fit with our family "method" of naming our children... But, I didn't consider changing their first names at all... We considered their first names to be ONE GIFT from their birthmother even though I never ever would have named my daughter Makala (too common) and I just hate the fact EVERYONE has to sing "Jeremiah was a Bull Frog" to my son... Makala has always expressed the feeling of being happy to have been able to KEEP one thing her birthmother meant for her to have...her first name and as the older sister she is also happy her brother was able to keep the name she helped pick while she was still with their birthmother. For our children keeping their first names has actually been a positive thing... Community Tags foster adoption, international adoption, names Discuss this article
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