Book Review: You're Not My REAL Mother!

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

12 Sep 2008 02:50 AM

"You're Not My REAL Mother!" is one adoptive mother's answer to the remark that most adopted kids probably make at one time or another.

Molly Friedrich's is a mother of four, including a daughter adopted from Vietnam and a son adopted from Guatemala. This book, You're Not My REAL Mother! is her first book and is based on the answer she gave her daughter when she made the dreaded declaration. Friedrich "took a deep breath and thought fast".

The book's approach is for the adoptive mother to say, "of course I am, my darling! Does a real mother [have tea parties? Teach you to say please and thank you? Teach you to count your toes? Let you help in the kitchen? Drive a long way to retrieve your teddy bear? Hug you and smother you with kisses?]

You get the idea. Some birthmothers who commented on book review sites were upset that the book speaks only of the adoptive mother as the "real mother". They feel that the book negates the realness of the birthparent's role.

The book does mention the birth mother when the little girl says, "I know you love me, Mom. But why don't you look like me?"

The mother responds, "I don't look like you because I'm not your birthmother."

"Who's that?

"Your birthmother is the mother who gave birth to you. She started your life, and I am thankful to her every day for that.

"Why?

"Because I get to watch you grow!"

I also would have preferred to reinforce that the birthmother and foster mother acted as real mothers to my daughter. I long ago acknowledged that she has had three mothers.

(I also think it's a bit weird that the girl hadn't heard the term birthmother before. It our family it's come up naturally since before the kids knew what the word meant.)

After this, the girl names other things she does with her mom, and then agrees that mom is her "bandage-putting, firefly-catching, kiss-smothering, halfway-son-singing REAL MOTHER!"

This is the first book by Friedrich, who is a mother of four, including a daughter adopted from Vietnam and a son from Guatemala.

Please see these related blogs:

Will You Call Me Mommy?

Labor Day

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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