Book Review: There Is No Me Without You

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

10 Oct 2007 01:21 AM

Whether you are interested in adoption, in history, in science, in child welfare or simply in riveting memoirs of children and families, you will find There Is No Me Without You to be a fascinating book. It tells the story of an Ethiopian woman who has taken in children orphaned by AIDS, many of whom were later adopted to Europe and America.

There Is No Me Without You is written by Melissa Fay Greene, an award-winning writer and a parent of four children by birth, a child adopted from Bulgaria and several Ethiopian-born children. The book's main subject, Haregewoin Teferra, is an educated Ethiopian woman who worked in the accounting department of a multinational company and enjoyed a middle-class Ethiopian life with her husband and two daughters. Her husband died suddenly in 1990. In 1998 her daughter died-the book implies but doesn't directly say that it was AIDS; perhaps the daughter was never tested-and Haregewoin was in despair. For 18 months she avoided society and spent her days at the cemetery. At last she decided to go into seclusion and become one of the prayerful hermits who lived in huts surrounding the cemetery.

However, a church charity asked Haregewoin to take in a teen-age girl. She agreed. Then the agency sent her a teen-age boy, then two young girls. Haregewoin thought this was her new family, a gift from her late husband and daughter. But then the agency sent four more children, then the police brought a baby, then a baby was left on the doorstep, then a dying woman showed up asking Haregewoin to take her baby...Haregewoin eventually was caring for dozens of children.

The author, who has visited Haregewoin on several occasions and whose older children have volunteered at Haregewoin's foster homes, tells Haregewoin's story grippingly, making us see the details of her beautiful country, the horror of watching someone die of AIDS, the joyful little moments of raising children, the tough decisions of running an orphanage.

The book alternates chapters telling the story of Haregewoin and the children with chapters giving background information on Ethiopian history, different theories researchers have about the origin and spread of the AIDS virus (HIV), and the response of other nations, private foundations and drug companies to the staggering numbers of AIDS victims in Africa.

I admit that I read the "story" chapters first and then went back to the informative chapters. I'm glad I did-they are both educational and thought-provoking. They give a flavor of the rich history and achievements of the Ethiopian people which I had never been aware of. Regarding the scientific, political and economic issues, Greene does not hide her own opinions but she always includes quotes from a variety of people and groups.

For adoptive parents from Ethiopia or anywhere in Africa, the chief value of the book will be twofold: learning about the rich culture of their children's birth country, and getting a vivid description enabling one to understand your child's likely past-how they came to be at the orphanage and what life was like for them there. The book also describes one adoptive family's moving visit, with their new children, to see their children's grandfather and aunts and the graves of the children's parents.

For all adoptive parents, it is useful to read of the emotions described in children at the orphanage, their attitudes toward adoption, the way the agencies try to prepare the children to adjust to life in America, and the joys and struggles children and families experienced after placement.

For all people, this book, which has won several nominations for Best Book of 2006, is a can't-put-it-down read.

Please see these related blogs:

Interview: Adopting from Ethiopia and Liberia

Spotlight on African Adoptions

Twenty-Five Years of AIDS

Women and HIV

HIV and AIDS: Fact and Fiction

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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