Book Review: The Heart Knows Something Different

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

29 May 2009 01:37 PM

The Heart Knows Something Different is an anthology of writings by teenagers in foster care. These articles were originally published in a bimonthly magazine called Foster Care Youth United. They are an excellent resource for people adopting older children, since they may give a feel for the kinds of situations and feelings many older children experience prior to the adoption. Their stories are also of import to all citizens concerned about the next generation in our country.

Many of these youth, though not all, are from New York City. Some of them were with foster families, although many were in group homes, which to my surprise had not 4-6 residents, but 12-20. (And I thought America didn't have orphanages anymore!)

Some teens write about their experiences with their birth family or living on the streets. One boy describes a typical day's routine at the group home and really gives a flavor for how he experiences the staff's interaction with the residents.

Many of the youth-some of whom have been in foster care more than a decade-feel that the system has failed them. Several were abused by foster parents and/or staff and caseworkers. Yet several teens wrote about how foster care was where they were accepted, made friends, were able to be kids again, and learned to trust adults.

Several shorter essays contain the writers' ideas of how to fix the system. Better selection and training of staff and foster parents was the dominant theme. Some kids offered specific suggestions for recreational activities, as well as things like stoves and phones that always work. One young man writes about his time in "Independent Living" program for 18 and 19-year-olds. He was working, but wishes that financial, job search and life skills training had started much earlier than a few months before he "aged out". He freely admits he could have saved more of his salary in preparation for leaving, but wishes he had known about security deposits and leases, and which utility bills covered what. Two of the contributions are from boys who were adopted from Colombia. One ran away from his adoptive family when he was thirteen. He says he was always treated differently from the biological children in that family.

There are also three essays by teen moms about what parenting as a teen is like. One of the moms writes about striking her child despite her determination to be a better parent than she had had. She writes of getting help and her current relationship with her daughter.

In most studies of foster children, staying close to siblings is the number one wish youth bring up. One girl writes a moving essay about wishing to see her younger brother before his adoption to another family, and her pain when a rapid turnover of caseworkers meant this didn't happen.

Some of these stories offer us the chance to get to know youth who might seem "difficult". All of them offer us a chance to hear from voices in our society who aren't often heard.

Please see these related blogs: Older Child Adoption: Blessing or Nightmare?

Parental Claiming of an Older Adopted Child

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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Heidi Saxton (8) 16 Jun 2009 05:17 PM

Pam: I've been reading your article with interest, having foster-adopted two of my own. I often wonder if their experiences are different, as we got them when they were very young (3 years and 6 months, plus an older sibling of 5 who lived with us for a year). Guess I'll have to read the book!

Heidi Saxton Extraordinary Moms Network http://extraordinarymomsnetwork.wordpress.com