Book Review: Let's Talk About Fostering and Adoption

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

18 Jan 2008 08:00 PM

Let's Talk About Fostering and Adoption by Sarah Levete is part of the "Let's Talk About" series from Stargazer books. Other titles include "Let's Talk About....Racism, Learning Difficulties, Bullying, Drugs, Stepfamilies, Keeping Safe, Being an Immigrant" and more.

The book begins with "What's My Family Like?", "Why is Someone Fostered?" and "What Will My Foster Family be Like?" It mentions reasons why children are referred for foster care and explains that foster families are chosen and trained to provide a safe place.

The book talks about the feelings kids may experience about being placed in foster care and about moving to different foster homes. The book urges kids to talk about their feelings with their foster parents and social worker and includes a quote from a boy who was in foster care when his mom "couldn't cope" whose situation ends happily when he returned to her when she was able to care for him well. The book explains the role of a social worker, and talks about keeping siblings in touch if they cannot be placed in foster care together.

The book does a good job explaining that foster families care for children until they can be reunited with their birth families, and adoptive families are permanent. The book clearly states that adoptive parents love and take care of the child as if he/she was born to them.

I take issue with the following statement, however: "Adoption-is not temporary-as long as the child is happy with the situation, they become part of their new family, forever." I realize they mean that a social worker will try to make sure the child is happy before finalizing the placement. However, I think the way it is written implies that the child has power to change the situation if they become unhappy. By implication, the child may reason that the parents also can change if they become unhappy. The message is unclear. Children should understand that they may express their feelings, but adults make the decisions and children are not responsible for making an adoption work.

The book also talks about curiosity about birth parents, and says that adoptive parents may feel hurt by this but may also help. It asks "how will you feel if your birth parent doesn't want to see you"? This is heavy stuff. The book is written in language directed at young children, but some of the concepts I would not introduce at such a young age. I understand that some families may have to address this situation sooner than they would wish. Parents will want to read the book first. Perhaps they will choose to look at the pictures with children and share snippets of the writing.

The book also says implies that international adoption takes place only because of war or great poverty and that most internationally adopted children are extremely traumatized, completing ignoring the systems of infant adoption and foster care which many countries have.

The book contains photos of different ages and races of children and parents doing ordinary family things. It is probably best for foster children or those whose foster family is in the process of adopting them.

Please see these related blogs:

Part 1 Attachment Parenting of Adopted Children

Thinking about Other Parents

Three Mothers

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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