Book Review: Are Those Kids Yours?

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

05 Jun 2007 09:03 PM

A common, humorous but wearying question faced by families of international/intercultural adoption is the title adoptive parent Cheri Register chooses for her book, subtitled: American Families with Children From Other Countries.

This is one of my favorite books. Register is the adoptive parent of two daughters from Korea. She also became a single parent while her daughters were quite young. She writes thoughtfully of both practical issues (how to respond to intrusive questions) to hard decisions (accepting a referral of a child with possible medical issues) to philosophical issues (how does oppression contribute to children needing adoption, are some countries running adoptions more ethically than others, do we have an obligation to "give back" to our children's birth country).

Though reflective, Cheri's style is also down-to-earth. One of the best features of the book is her quotes from adoptive parents. We meet about ten families, and a few adult adoptees, whose reflections are interspersed throughout the book in the chapters addressing various topics. Cheri's thoughts and feelings on certain issues expressed my own in ways I hadn't found anywhere else. However, she deliberately includes reflections by families who differ from her in their religious viewpoints of adoption and single motherhood, their feelings about whether appearance matters, how much they talk about adoption, and the amount of cultural exposure they give their children.

The book was written in the early 1990s. Thus most of the families featured have children from Korea and Latin America rather than Eastern Europe and China. (Register has recently written another book from her perspective as an adoptive parent of young adults from Korea (stay tuned for the review of that one!) However I believe most of the book will ring true to adoptive parents of children from any country. Some issues also apply to families of children adopted transracially within the U.S.

This book is simply a fascinating read for two reasons. One is the attention given to issues I had thought of but hadn't seen addressed elsewhere-for example, whether the status of a local ethnic population affects the experience of children adopted from that country in ways both negative and positive. I appreciate Register's concern for the birthmothers left behind and her desire "to work actively both to promote international adoption and to make it unnecessary".

The other reason is simply that the book is fun to read because of all the families, whom we feel we know by the end of the book.

Please see these related blogs:

Where is Her Mother?

Books on International Adoption for Adults

Books for Adults on Adoption from China and Korea

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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