Bonding and Attachment: Will My Child and I be Close?

by kvSheldon | More from this Blogger

12 Feb 2006 11:54 AM

Closeness in a relationship is another facet of attachment. The closeness between child and parent is influenced by several factors and can change over time. Some factors will strengthen a relationship while others may weaken a relationship. Some factors have a historical influence while other factors happen day by day. Some factors cannot be changed, such as physical looks, while other factors can be controlled.

Past Bonds: Did the child form a healthy relationship or bond in the past with a caregiver or parent? As mentioned in the previous post "Bonding and Attachment: Will My Child Love Me?" bonding happens in the first six months of life. This bond helps establish a sense of trust that can be transferred over from the initial caregiver to another person.

Trauma and Loss: If a child has experienced a traumatic event such as abuse, neglect, or significant loss, trust or bonds that may have already been established can be hindered or damaged. How a traumatic event affects the child varies depending on the developmental stage that the child may be in.

Personalities: When a person considers their closest relationships it is usually based on mutual likes, dislikes, similar interests, hobbies, or activities. People with similar traits and qualities often build strong relationships. This is also true with parents and children. When you have adopted a child it is important to remember that your child may be different from you in many ways. How the parent chooses to feel about the differences can influence the closeness that is established between a parent and child. Further, as the child matures he or she will also notice differences between the parent and child. Attachment can be hindered if the child feels like he or she is different from their parents and doesn't fit in.

Claiming and belonging: How much a child looks like or acts like their adoptive parents can have an influence on attachment and closeness in a family. When a child is able to identify how she is like her adoptive parents, she is claiming them. This may be by physical looks, abilities, or talents. Parents can also help establish belonging by telling the child how he or she is like the parent.

Daily Life: Day to day stressors such as, financial stresses, job stresses, or issues between spouses can influence the closeness of a family. Keep in mind these factors are unavoidable at times. Positive ways to offset these influences are by finding activities that you and your child both like to do. These could be reading books, playing games, and finding special times together. Also planning family outings such as, going to the zoo, a baseball game, or going on a picnic all help establish closeness in the family and further enhance attachment and bonding.

Learn more about kvSheldon

My name is Kathy Sheldon and I live in Northern NJ with my husband, Jeff, my 15 month old son, Connor, two cats, a bird, and the newest addition our 10 week old Bernese Mountain puppy.

View Full Profile | More from this Blogger