Search Results for: blog birth parents part 7 healing

Attitudes Regarding State Adoptions: Part 1

The following is a list of attitudes and misconceptions people have about adoption usually prior to their placement. I don’t intend to discourage anyone, but it’s important for families to be realistic in expectation. Children aren’t puppies, they’re children! ~ There is nothing wrong with wanting to adopt and know you are giving your child a good home. It’s okay for you to feel good about what you’re doing. But if you’re going to have the attitude that you are “rescuing” this child, you are doing your family a great injustice. It gives implication to the child that they owe … Continue reading →

The Healing Comfort of Family Words

Some years ago I studied post graduate Solution Focused Therapy under Dr Robert McNeilly. He had just coauthored “Healing with Words” and since then I have been interested in the traditional family words that have far greater positive meaning than anyone else could possibly realize. Ours are “Stars and Moon” and “I love you 50”, – they each mean the same thing. Both are short for: “I love you 50 thousand million trillion AND all the way to the sun, the moon, around the stars and back again.” The history of these statements are modern, founded in the wonderful child’s … Continue reading →

Confessions of a Life Story Worker – Part 2 of 2

This artice is the follow on article from Confessions of a Life Story Worker: Part 1. Whose job is it to do the Life Story Work? When I began doing Life Story Work I was worried that I may be breaching statutory laws. I saw the work as belonging solely to Child Safety Officers. My Australian experience with Child Safety workers told me that they were too busy and spent minimal time on their case loads and Life Story Work wasn’t being achieved. Also, their understanding of Life Story Work appeared to fit within a Freedom of Information framework – … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 7) Healing

Birthparents will never forget the baby they placed for adoption. Forgetting isn’t the goal but it’s important for birth mothers and birth fathers to adapt to the new circumstances and come to terms with any regret. When birth parents are able to accept their lives it’s possible to gain a feeling of control, and move forward with whatever else life has in store for them. Birth mothers and birth fathers who are able to openly share feelings with themselves and others may find it to be helpful while moving through the stages of grief and reaching some resolution. Some of … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 6) Acceptance

Accepting the loss and working through the grief doesn’t mean birth parents forget the baby they placed for adoption. It doesn’t mean birth mothers or birth fathers don’t experiences times of feeling sorrow or regret for their loss. Acceptance means birth parents allow themselves to move forward with their lives and integrate the loss into their future lives. There are a number ways birth mothers and birth fathers have found which often help them deal with loss and grief and move to a place of acceptance: Entrustment ceremonies: Some adoption agencies, adoptive parents and birth parents have found a simple … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 5) Identity Issues

Placing a baby for adoption can cause personal identity issues for some birthparents. After the surrender and the signing of the relinquishment of parental rights some birth parents may wonder, “Am I a parent?” Many birth parents experience a strong feeling of incompleteness, because they really are parents without a baby. Most of the time, the fact a birthmother or birthfather are parents goes unacknowledged with their family and friends. Often, birthparents here statements that add to the loss of their identity such as, “Anyone can give birth but, it takes more to be a good parent.” While it may … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 4) Shame and Guilt

Expecting mothers and fathers, experiencing the difficulty and emotional stress of an unplanned pregnancy often face deep feelings of shame for being in the situation in the first place. When parents make an adoption plan for their baby these feelings of shame can be even greater in part due to a lack of understanding from their friends, family and society in general. Shame about the fact parents are faced with an unexpected baby may lead to feelings of unworthiness or incompetence about becoming parents. Guilt for making choices that led to an unplanned pregnancy in many cases can destroy the … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 3) Loss and Grief

When birthparents are dealing with the loss and grief of having surrendered their baby for adoption, some feelings may be expressed as denial. Denial is a shield from the pain of the loss. As birthparents move on in the process of grieving they may soon face feelings of sorrow and depression as the loss becomes more real. Anger and guilt may follow, and it is common for birthparents express their anger at those who helped with the adoption placement. Placing a baby for adoption may bring out other feelings of loss, and add to the grief. No one ever dreams … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 2) Before and At Placement

Many mothers and fathers who decide to place a baby for adoption express feelings of great loss in their own lives. Many birthparents hope placing their baby for adoption will lead to a better life for their child and better future for themselves. For some a sense of loss begins during pregnancy when expectant parents come to accept the reality of the unplanned baby. The actual birth and physical separation of a new baby from the parents can result in a sense of loss that is all-encompassing. The actual surrendering of the baby may cause feelings of numbness, shock, denial, … Continue reading →

The Adoption Triad: Birth Parents (Part 1)

I don’t claim to know what it might feel like to place a baby for adoption. I do however, feel it is important that the Families.com Adoption Blog include supportive information for those considering an adoption plan and for those birthparents who have placed their babies with adoptive families. Adoption is a life changing experience for three different groups of people. The Adoption Triad consists of birthparents, adoptive parents, and the adopted person. In the past, each of the members of the triad were seen and treated as parallel lives and often disconnected. Today, society is changing and in many … Continue reading →