Birth Parents (Part 5) Identity Issues

by Anna Glendenning | More from this Blogger

12 Mar 2006 12:59 AM

Placing a baby for adoption can cause personal identity issues for some birthparents. After the surrender and the signing of the relinquishment of parental rights some birth parents may wonder, "Am I a parent?"

Many birth parents experience a strong feeling of incompleteness, because they really are parents without a baby. Most of the time, the fact a birthmother or birthfather are parents goes unacknowledged with their family and friends. Often, birthparents here statements that add to the loss of their identity such as, "Anyone can give birth but, it takes more to be a good parent."

While it may be true a birthmother and birthfather don't act as parents for the child, the fact is that by choosing to place a baby for adoption they have made the most important parenting decision for their child. Coming to a decision to place a baby with adoptive parents is a parenting decision and one that should be recognized as such.

The questions about identity may affect birthparents relationship with the child when the adoption is open. Birthparents who have agreements for open adoptions may wonder how they will fit into the new relationship with their child once the adoptive parents become the legal parents.

Some birthparents find it difficult to maintain their agreement for an open adoption. Typically, when a birthparent fails to keep their commitment with an open adoption agreement the reasons often stem to identity issues. There are not many role models for birthparents to understand what position they are within a family created by open adoption.

Birthparents often have great difficulty in the relationship with the child and adoptive family in an open adoption. The identity issues may evolve so that the birthparents are able to maintain an agreed-upon role in the life of the child. It just may take the birthparents more time to understand their position than they had imagined.

• The Adoption Triad: Birth Parents Placement and Healing Intro
• Before and At Placement
• Loss and Grief
• Shame and Guilt
• Acceptance
• Healing

Photo credit for this blog entry: (no use restrictions for this photo)

Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms: A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z

For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.

Learn more about Anna Glendenning

Anna Glendenning is a mother of four. Two biological children grown and out of college, and two siblings and adopted together in 2003. Anna's Personal Website http://www.adoptiveparentsnetwork.

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