Search Results for: blog birth parents part 5 identity issues

Book Review: The Adoption Life Cycle

The Adoption Life Cycle,by Elinor Rosenberg, fills a niche in adoption literature by talking about issues such as separation, loss, identity and family relationships not only as they emerge at different stages of children’s development, but also in the context of family systems. Rosenberg has seen adoption from several perspectives—as a social worker working with birthmothers, as a therapist working with adopted children in residential treatment centers, and later as an adoptive parent of two. She devotes her first chapter to the myth of adoption as “the perfect solution”. While strongly supportive of adoption, she recognizes that it usually leaves … Continue reading →

Should Adoptive Parents Search For Their Children’s Birth Parents?

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A Dutch adoptive family recently located their daughter’s Chinese birthparents. Their identity and story was confirmed by DNA testing. It is the first known case of Chinese birthparents being found. The Dutch couple says they were motivated by their daughter’s “persistent interest” in her birthparents to use the media in Chongqing, China to search for her birthparents. There is actually quite a lot of controversy in the adoption community on whether adoptive families should search for their children’s birthparents. Many of us have now seen examples of open adoption—now the norm in U.S. domestic adoptions—in the lives of our friends … Continue reading →

Books for Adults on Adoption from China and Korea

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I recently published a series of blogs on children’s books dealing with adoption, including books specifically featuring kids adopted from different countries. Here, I will present books for adults on adoption from China and Korea. Many are memoirs which tell of adoptive families’ experiences. Others are memoirs of adoptees and even of birthmothers and an adoption worker. Others are serious looks at the topics of preserving heritage and the reasons children are available for adoption. Books for adults on Korean adoption: A Single Square Picture tells the story of a girl adopted at age 7 who returns to search for … Continue reading →

Week in Review for Jan. 14-21

We really appreciate all of our readers who’ve helped us get this year off to a great start! Here’s a recap of blogs from Sunday January 14 through Sunday January 21. Sunday, January 14 Ed shared his success story of finding the right school for his children in Our New School. Anna continued her poignant letter to her daughter in Makala, We Decided We Wanted to Adopt You and Your Brother. I (Pam) did a Book Review: Inside Transracial Adoption. This book is one-half information on identity formation and complex issues, but one-half fascinating glimpses into real experiences of transracial … Continue reading →

Attachment Parenting of Adopted Children.

It’s important as a parent to recognize the developmental milestones and expectations we have for our children. Most parents understand it takes awhile for a newborn baby to learn how to walk and talk so no one is worried when a newborn doesn’t get up and walk. That would be a silly expectation and most people understand that it is not a developmental milestone for a newborn to walk. Most people understand that walking on average happens around the age of one-year-old. The stages of Adoption have certain developmental milestones as well, however most people don’t understand what these milestones … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 7) Healing

Birthparents will never forget the baby they placed for adoption. Forgetting isn’t the goal but it’s important for birth mothers and birth fathers to adapt to the new circumstances and come to terms with any regret. When birth parents are able to accept their lives it’s possible to gain a feeling of control, and move forward with whatever else life has in store for them. Birth mothers and birth fathers who are able to openly share feelings with themselves and others may find it to be helpful while moving through the stages of grief and reaching some resolution. Some of … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 6) Acceptance

Accepting the loss and working through the grief doesn’t mean birth parents forget the baby they placed for adoption. It doesn’t mean birth mothers or birth fathers don’t experiences times of feeling sorrow or regret for their loss. Acceptance means birth parents allow themselves to move forward with their lives and integrate the loss into their future lives. There are a number ways birth mothers and birth fathers have found which often help them deal with loss and grief and move to a place of acceptance: Entrustment ceremonies: Some adoption agencies, adoptive parents and birth parents have found a simple … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 5) Identity Issues

Placing a baby for adoption can cause personal identity issues for some birthparents. After the surrender and the signing of the relinquishment of parental rights some birth parents may wonder, “Am I a parent?” Many birth parents experience a strong feeling of incompleteness, because they really are parents without a baby. Most of the time, the fact a birthmother or birthfather are parents goes unacknowledged with their family and friends. Often, birthparents here statements that add to the loss of their identity such as, “Anyone can give birth but, it takes more to be a good parent.” While it may … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 4) Shame and Guilt

Expecting mothers and fathers, experiencing the difficulty and emotional stress of an unplanned pregnancy often face deep feelings of shame for being in the situation in the first place. When parents make an adoption plan for their baby these feelings of shame can be even greater in part due to a lack of understanding from their friends, family and society in general. Shame about the fact parents are faced with an unexpected baby may lead to feelings of unworthiness or incompetence about becoming parents. Guilt for making choices that led to an unplanned pregnancy in many cases can destroy the … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 3) Loss and Grief

When birthparents are dealing with the loss and grief of having surrendered their baby for adoption, some feelings may be expressed as denial. Denial is a shield from the pain of the loss. As birthparents move on in the process of grieving they may soon face feelings of sorrow and depression as the loss becomes more real. Anger and guilt may follow, and it is common for birthparents express their anger at those who helped with the adoption placement. Placing a baby for adoption may bring out other feelings of loss, and add to the grief. No one ever dreams … Continue reading →