Search Results for: blog birth parents part 4 shame and guilt

Book Review: Maybe Days: A Book for Kids in Foster Care

My last blog mentioned some books written to help foster care kids understand and come to terms with their experiences. I wanted to write a full review of another book, Maybe Days: a Book for Children in Foster Care. This book, labeled for ages 4-10 years, seems to me to be for somewhat older kids than The Star or Zachary’s New Home (books discussed in the last blog). It is written by Jennifer Wilgocki, M.S., a child and family therapist who presents training on attachment and bonding issues to professionals and foster parents. Dr. Marcia Wright is a clinical psychologist. … Continue reading →

Book Review: The Post-Adoption Blues

Posted on by

The Post-Adoption Blues, subtitled “Concerning the Unforeseen Challenges of Adoption”, is written by a husband and wife team. Dr. John R. Thompson, MD, is a child and adolescent psychiatrist. His wife, Dr. Karen Foli, PhD., is a registered nurse and a medical writer who has written extensively about children with special needs. Together they are the parents of two sons by birth and one daughter by adoption. Their daughter arrived from India at the age of five months. Karen Foli experienced many emotions upon meeting her daughter. These included some emotions which she had never expected, such as guilt, confusion, … Continue reading →

What She Left for Me – Tracie Peterson

This Christian fiction novel is a blazing testament to the importance of forgiveness. However, it’s not an easy read and I offer that upfront. The author herself admits this – she includes a note at the beginning, stating that the book deals with issues of infidelity and abuse, and that she would recommend mothers read it before handing it over to their daughters. I agree with her caution, but that doesn’t keep me from recommending the book. Bad things happen to good people – and we need to know to Whom we can turn for deliverance from it. Eleanor Templeton … Continue reading →

Juicy Hollywood Tidbits – July 31, 2007

Al Gore III Pleads Guilty It has to be hard enough to have a child with an addiction problem, but to be a former Vice President and in the public eye must make it ten times worse. Al Gore III pleaded guilty to drug possession after his arrest earlier this year. He was pulled over while speeding down a California highway on the 4th of July. In his Toyota Prius, officers found prescription drugs such as Vicodin (for which Gore had no prescription) and marijuana. Gore, 24, has agreed to enter a residential rehab clinic to avoid serving any jail … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 7) Healing

Birthparents will never forget the baby they placed for adoption. Forgetting isn’t the goal but it’s important for birth mothers and birth fathers to adapt to the new circumstances and come to terms with any regret. When birth parents are able to accept their lives it’s possible to gain a feeling of control, and move forward with whatever else life has in store for them. Birth mothers and birth fathers who are able to openly share feelings with themselves and others may find it to be helpful while moving through the stages of grief and reaching some resolution. Some of … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 6) Acceptance

Accepting the loss and working through the grief doesn’t mean birth parents forget the baby they placed for adoption. It doesn’t mean birth mothers or birth fathers don’t experiences times of feeling sorrow or regret for their loss. Acceptance means birth parents allow themselves to move forward with their lives and integrate the loss into their future lives. There are a number ways birth mothers and birth fathers have found which often help them deal with loss and grief and move to a place of acceptance: Entrustment ceremonies: Some adoption agencies, adoptive parents and birth parents have found a simple … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 5) Identity Issues

Placing a baby for adoption can cause personal identity issues for some birthparents. After the surrender and the signing of the relinquishment of parental rights some birth parents may wonder, “Am I a parent?” Many birth parents experience a strong feeling of incompleteness, because they really are parents without a baby. Most of the time, the fact a birthmother or birthfather are parents goes unacknowledged with their family and friends. Often, birthparents here statements that add to the loss of their identity such as, “Anyone can give birth but, it takes more to be a good parent.” While it may … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 4) Shame and Guilt

Expecting mothers and fathers, experiencing the difficulty and emotional stress of an unplanned pregnancy often face deep feelings of shame for being in the situation in the first place. When parents make an adoption plan for their baby these feelings of shame can be even greater in part due to a lack of understanding from their friends, family and society in general. Shame about the fact parents are faced with an unexpected baby may lead to feelings of unworthiness or incompetence about becoming parents. Guilt for making choices that led to an unplanned pregnancy in many cases can destroy the … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 3) Loss and Grief

When birthparents are dealing with the loss and grief of having surrendered their baby for adoption, some feelings may be expressed as denial. Denial is a shield from the pain of the loss. As birthparents move on in the process of grieving they may soon face feelings of sorrow and depression as the loss becomes more real. Anger and guilt may follow, and it is common for birthparents express their anger at those who helped with the adoption placement. Placing a baby for adoption may bring out other feelings of loss, and add to the grief. No one ever dreams … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 2) Before and At Placement

Many mothers and fathers who decide to place a baby for adoption express feelings of great loss in their own lives. Many birthparents hope placing their baby for adoption will lead to a better life for their child and better future for themselves. For some a sense of loss begins during pregnancy when expectant parents come to accept the reality of the unplanned baby. The actual birth and physical separation of a new baby from the parents can result in a sense of loss that is all-encompassing. The actual surrendering of the baby may cause feelings of numbness, shock, denial, … Continue reading →