Birth Parents Love Their Kids

by Melissa J | More from this Blogger

22 Aug 2006 06:28 PM

Yes, I have over generalized the title. I'm sure there are birth parents out there that do not feel love for their children. As you read bulletins of waiting children you may be left wondering if many of these parents really cared about their kids. Who would want to harm a child that they love?

In learning of the stories behind my children's entrance into state care, I wondered what kind of love their birth mothers especially had. Both had substance abuse issues while they were pregnant and both were in relationships that involved domestic violence at some point. Both were homeless, and the state offered considerable amounts of assistance to both moms. In the end, one mom went to prison, the other disappeared.

Both mothers, like so many others who've lost custody of their children to the State, had great love for my boys. Though they were both very self-centered individuals who chose their lifestyle over their children, there was evidence in both cases that led me to believe they did love our boys.

One mom showed up for court with a bottle and some diapers saying that now that her boyfriend was out of jail they could parent their son. This was the same man that beat her while she was pregnant. The other mom, who didn't show up to any court hearings, did make some effort to sober up for a visit with her son. While she was pregnant, she had asked to go to the hospital because she had used methamphetamines and was afraid for her baby. The father of this baby was in prison and felt helpless wanting to be there for his new son.

One couple had been married and appeared to have great concern for their kids. When one child came into care as a result of several fractures happening on different occasions, they fought to get their kids back, maintaining they didn't know what had happened. Years later they came to the acceptance that they were going to lose their kids but wanted an open adoption so they could know them. In a different case, a couple had mental issues that prevented them from meeting their child's basic needs.

As dysfunctional as many of the stories on State custody cases are, I realize "love" comes in different forms. Not all love is unconditional, not all love is self-less. At least with my kids I can assure them that they were loved with the only kind of love that their birth parents could understand.

( Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog )

Learn more about Melissa J

View Full Profile | More from this Blogger