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Basic Nurture: Catching Up

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When a child has not received basic nurturing as an infant, there is a deep need to receive what he missed, even if it comes several years later. I want to preface what I am about to write by saying that I am not a medical or psychological expert. I am raising children who were deprived of their basic necessities as infants. My wife and I have done our best to solve the problem based upon information from people who are experts and various publications which address the issue. Three of our children came to us when they were four … Continue reading →

Helping the “Parentified” Child

My last blog talked about children who have assumed responsibilities inappropriate for their age, and now must learn to be children—to trust, to explore, to play, to allow the adopted parent to parent any younger siblings. Most older children go through a “honeymoon phase” with their new family. When newly placed, they greatly desire to please these new adults who have the power to care for them and the hope of a family to offer. During this phase, behavior is generally fairly good. “Parentified” children may be uncommonly good at chores and self-care activities. Conflict in the early stages of … Continue reading →

Children Who Don’t Know How to be Children

Sometimes adoptive parents are surprised to discover that an older adopted child, toddler, school-age or teen, does not fit our society’s image of a child. Sometimes children have been responsible for taking care of themselves. Perhaps they were left alone at home a lot and are used to getting their own food, doing their schoolwork alone, following through themselves on school expectations, paperwork, and items needed, and/or taking care of the house. Some of them have been responsible for taking care of other children. Some of them have even been taking care of their parents or the other adults in … Continue reading →