Basic Nurture: Catching Up

by Fatherofeight | More from this Blogger

16 Feb 2007 04:18 PM

When a child has not received basic nurturing as an infant, there is a deep need to receive what he missed, even if it comes several years later. I want to preface what I am about to write by saying that I am not a medical or psychological expert. I am raising children who were deprived of their basic necessities as infants. My wife and I have done our best to solve the problem based upon information from people who are experts and various publications which address the issue.

Three of our children came to us when they were four and a half, thirty months, and eighteen months old respectively. Their birth mother was unable, and probably unwilling, to care for them. She had another person keep the boys and she would visit on occasion. From what we can piece together, they were living in an apartment where there was a lot of drug activity and instability.

It is fairly obvious based upon CPS and court reports and the memories of the oldest child, that they received the bare minimum in terms of care. It is most probable that the lady in charge of them placed them on welfare and spent most of the money that she received on her own needs.

When it was very obvious to us that they required an unusual amount of attention, we were advised to try holding them and giving them a bottle of milk in the same manner that you would do for an infant. We were a bit skeptical, but we tried it. They were very receptive, in fact, they argued over whose turn was next. They wanted to be held, rocked, looked in the eyes by someone who loved them, and given a bottle.

This practice helped us bond with them and, even at the late date, helped them "catch up" to their basic needs. We saw tremendous progress in their security and stability in our home.

We received another boy into our home when he was one month old. He had been in the hospital for two weeks and in a shelter for two weeks. It was obvious to us that he had never been held, or at least he had not been held very much. He could not focus his eyes on the person giving him the bottle and he could not relax. It took a month or so for him to begin to react to receiving a bottle as most newborns would.

Children have a very basic longing to be held and loved. We are glad that our boys were able to finally get the attention and care that all children need and deserve.

Related Blog:

Developmental Vs. Chronological Age

Learn more about Fatherofeight

View Full Profile | More from this Blogger

Linda Hansen (1796) 16 Feb 2007 03:41 PM

Ed, as sad as this story is, it is also common in adopted children. When we got the boys, they were too old to nurse and rock. I would get them to sit next to me while watching tv and put my arm around them, hug them several times during the day, and find whatever way I could to physically touch them to give them the reassurance they needed so desperately. Uncle Paul would hug and pat on the back a lot, with a good job or good report card. When you and Nancy rocked and nursed the boys, I know you made a tremendous difference in their nurturing issues and it will show throughout their lives. We all need someone to look us in the eyes and say I love you, to hold us and make us feel safe. Your boys are so blessed. Artcraft

Fatherofeight (2475) 16 Feb 2007 04:19 PM

Thanks Art, we still do it sometimes even to the 5,6 and 8 year old. Its hard to imagine people who would neglect a child so much. Thanks for reading.

Julie Gentry (5915) 16 Feb 2007 07:27 PM

Wow. What a sweet picture.

Fatherofeight (2475) 16 Feb 2007 08:29 PM

Thanks Julie, we were pleasantly surprised at how well it worked.

PATTI (580) 20 Feb 2007 11:51 AM

Dear Ed, Love, love, love and love some more those precious boys. PATTI

cmonet (48) 20 Feb 2007 04:48 PM

Will do, Patti, thanks.

Fatherofeight (2475) 21 Feb 2007 07:25 PM

I appreciate your support, Patti.