Bad Parents Have Legal Rightsby Fatherofeight | More from this Blogger 01 Feb 2007 04:22 PM When our adopted children first came to live with us, the parental rights of their birth mother had not been resolved. This happens in many, if not most, adoptions. I will warn you that the process can be very frustrating. We have adopted five maternal brothers which involved two separate adoption proceedings. In the first one, there never was much doubt that she was going to drag it out as long as possible and then sign relinquishment papers. However, she threatened to contest the right to retain her parental rights in the second adoption. The birth mother of our boys is not a sympathetic figure. Throughout the proceedings, I was amazed by the favor that the legal system required that she receive. If it bothered me (I am a retired lawyer), then surely it is very frustrating for the average couple. There is no doubt that our legal system is slanted to protect the rights of the accused, or in this case, the rights of someone who could have an important right taken from them. We need to recognize that it is a very serious matter to take away someone's parental rights, no matter how undeserving they are. No legal system is perfect. Historically, only Solomon was a perfect judge, but he had the direct wisdom of God. So, if a legal system is not always perfect, it must be slanted in one way or the other. Few of us would really prefer a legal system that was slanted to the state. We really don't want for it to be easy for the state to take children away from parents. It drives you crazy though when a person who is a horrible parent wants to claim the right to continue the craziness. I was waiting in court one day. A father was asking the judge to take his child out of foster care and return her to him. He had just finished serving a prison sentence for molesting another of his daughters and his father, who lived on the same property, was a certified sex offender. The daughter he was asking for was three years old and the daughter he had molested was four at the time the crime occurred. The court had to give him the same consideration that any father would have. That is crazy, but that is our system. My message is that you should be prepared for frequent disappointment in the system. For us, it was kind of like child birth. We had to endure a lot of pain and suffering, but it was worth it. We love our boys. Relevantadoption tags Food | baby | Scrapbooking | family | children | parenting | holidays | christmas | relationships | pregnancy User Comments Crickett (272) 01 Feb 2007 09:37 PMPerhaps that frustration is what leads many to adopt from other countries, though I imagine that process has its own set of frustrations..... Crickett  Fatherofeight (2475) 02 Feb 2007 09:18 AMGood comment, some people get scared off by the foster / adopt system, but you always hope that the decsion is based on more than just that. It is exactly why some people will only consider children that have already been through the process to the point that birth parents are not an issue any more. melodyes_song (80) 04 Feb 2007 09:53 AMI am a little nervous...i found out friday that there is a court date on 2/21 to work on the TPR for our boys...is it normal to feel nauseous about a court date...we will not be there, it is in another part of the state...the judge stopped all visits with bmom on 1/18 due to the damage it was causing the boys...so I am praying that the TPR process continues...it took a year to get the visits stopped...does any of that make sense Fatherofeight (2475) 04 Feb 2007 01:11 PMMelody, I always went to those things, I just wanted to know what was going to happen and why, and be able to give my input if necessary. Ed melodyes_song (80) 04 Feb 2007 02:22 PMEd I wish we could go, unfortunately the boys county is over 300 miles away and at the moment the thought of going back up there makes the boys we feel we are going to leave them, and we already have to take them back up on Tue. because they have a closure session on Wed. It is so much on them...I know the boy's GALs are going and they, the SW, the CM and everyone else are thrilled with how things are going for the boys now that they are home...even though it has only been a little over a week since we brought them home they just belong if that makes sense. Fatherofeight (2475) 04 Feb 2007 02:49 PMI agree completely Melody. I was always an hour or so away. Nancy would stay home with the children and I would go. It sounds like the bases will be covered. Pray hard. melodyes_song (80) 04 Feb 2007 08:27 PMEd we are so blessed to be covered in prayer by our agency, CM, church, etc...and we never stop praying God's peace, plan and healing for our boys and that God would continue to graft us into a family... PATTI (580) 07 Feb 2007 11:31 AMDear Ed, I know this second family of yours and Nancy's is God-given. Keep sharing your experiences with others. PATTI jasonkaren (5) 28 Feb 2007 09:56 AMI'm reluctant to post but here goes... We are adoptive parents to Anna and Elijah. Anna will be three in a few days and Eli is eleven months. We have been in a court battle for almost 3 years for Anna's adoption because the putative father registry is being challenged by her birth father. This has been emotionally exhausting and it doesn't look good for us. http://www.2dca.org/opinion/July%2021,%202006/2D05-3614rh.pdf The FL supreme court has denied our appeal. We have tried mediation with the birth father and were even sympathetic to him. We want him to know Anna and have sent many letters and pictures with no response. During mediation, we were insulted by him and his parents as if somehow this was our fault. My point is we talk about these laws and registries on blogs and forums but when real people are involved there is a lot of PAIN! I truly believe that Anna (at 3 years old) will be wounded deeply if she is taken away from her home. But, in this screwed up legal system, Anna's pain seems to be irrelevent.  Pam Connell (2658) 28 Feb 2007 04:12 PMwow jasonkaren, thanks for reaching out and sharing. I will keep all of you in my prayers and I'm sure our other readers will too. Sincerely, Pam Fatherofeight (2475) 28 Feb 2007 07:10 PMjasonkaren, that is everyone's nightmare and you are having to live through this. Thanks so much for posting because there will be a lot of people praying, I will pass this on. We had a fight for the fifth maternal brother of the previously adopted four, not anything like what you are going through. Bless you.  Melissa J (13710) 28 Feb 2007 09:52 PMJasonkaren, I'll be praying for your situation as well. Our son's adoption was contested but didn't go as far as yours has. I'm so sorry for this situation but I'll keep your family in prayer. Fatherofeight (2475) 28 Feb 2007 10:54 PMJasonkaren, other like minded people will also see these notes and be reminded to pray. Ed. Community Tags birth mother, bad parents, child molester, legal system, parental rights Discuss this article
|
Adoption categories
More adoption tagsFood | baby | Scrapbooking | family | children | parenting | holidays | christmas | relationships | pregnancy |
