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State Agency: Help or Hindrance?

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We have now adopted five maternal brothers out of our state’s foster system. We started the process when we took the first child in February, 2003. We were finally free of all responsibilities to the state when the fifth child was adopted in January, 2006. Frequently, the people working for the state were a hindrance to the process. I can give several examples. By May, 2003, we had the first four boys, one of whom was a newborn, in our home. In a short period of time, they had moved from an abusive home, to a shelter, to a foster … Continue reading →

Wrong Reasons to Adopt

There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to adopt because you would like to parent a child and provide a loving home. These are typically the same reasons many couple’s conceive biologically. The problem is so many people want to adopt for the wrong reasons—even if their heart means well. Some of the wrong primary motivations for adoption are not wrong as a “bonus”, however to those who find justification in some of the examples provided below, I suggest visiting a local animal shelter instead. Children being placed for adoption often have needs beyond what biological or birth children have. Adoption … Continue reading →

The Relationship with a Child’s Birth Family

I really can’t speak for the majority of adoptive parents when it comes to relationships with a child’s birth family. Each adoption is so unique. When we adopted through our state, we’d assumed our adoptions would be closed. When we adopted our first son, our adoption was completely closed. We had quite a time searching for birth siblings as a result. Though we know where the birth parents are, for safety reasons we have not and will not pursue openness of any degree. Thankfully because of the information we have acquired more recently from his other birth family, any questions … Continue reading →

Attitudes Regarding State Adoptions: Part 2

In part one I shared some misconceptions and attitudes in regard to children adopted through the state. Here I’ll continue: Our child won’t have that ~ If you’re one of the few parents that gets your dream child that is beautiful, smart, fully compliant, then you best hit the slot machines as you are one lucky person! Parents who adopt older children especially are adopting not just the child, but the needs of the child that have to be addressed. Unfortunately, the state agency is not always aware of these needs prior to placement, either because they never got the … Continue reading →

Attitudes Regarding State Adoptions: Part 1

The following is a list of attitudes and misconceptions people have about adoption usually prior to their placement. I don’t intend to discourage anyone, but it’s important for families to be realistic in expectation. Children aren’t puppies, they’re children! ~ There is nothing wrong with wanting to adopt and know you are giving your child a good home. It’s okay for you to feel good about what you’re doing. But if you’re going to have the attitude that you are “rescuing” this child, you are doing your family a great injustice. It gives implication to the child that they owe … Continue reading →