Attaching from Far Away - Babies and Young Toddlers

by Shoshanna Grey | More from this Blogger

28 Oct 2006 09:33 PM

Often when adopting a child internationally, you will know about your child several months (or possibly longer) before you are able to bring them home. During this time, most adoptive parents will begin to feel an attachment to their child. Many hours are spent staring at pictures, preparing a room, shopping for toys and clothes. By the time this long-awaited child arrives, the adoptive parents already feel very close to him or her. However, for the child it is a completely different situation. A baby or younger toddler does not know that they are being adopted. As far as they are aware, everything is going to stay the same. One day, though, strange people (the adoptive parents) arrive and are wisk them away to a totally different life.

It is impossible to completely prepare a baby or young toddler to be adopted, but there are some things that you can do to begin preparing your child while you are waiting to bring them home.

Here is a list of suggestions from adoptive parents:

•Send down an album with pictures of yourself, your home, your pets, etc and ask your child's caregiver to look through them with your child.

•Wash clothes, blankets, etc. that you send to your child in a certain detergent and then continue to use that detergent once you bring your child home.

•Sleep with a stuffed animal or "lovey" for a few nights before giving it to your child. This can help your scent become familiar to your baby.

•Make a voice recording with you and your spouse reading a book, singing or just talking to your child.

•Ask your child's caregiver to begin talking to your child about you (this works best for toddler-aged children).

•Learn some key phrases in your child's native language. Even babies who are not yet verbal will usually recognize their native language and it may help to calm them when they are upset or uncertain.

Related Article: The Seven Baby Bs of Attachment Parenting

Learn more about Shoshanna Grey

Shoshanna Grey has worked as an occupational social worker, teacher, child care provider, customer service reqpresentative, college recruiter and several other positions over the years.

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Gwyllum (301) 28 Oct 2006 11:33 PM

Your list of suggestions for attachment process is excellent, Rachel. I too am a social worker (now retired) and have done many follow-up reports over a two year period following foreign adoptions. I wish you all the best for yourself and also for your children who will soon be joining you. We will be thinking of you. I worked in Guatemala for a while in the late 1980's, and early 1990's. I am delighted to hear of your little son from there.