Adoption and Your Employerby Anna Glendenning | More from this Blogger 17 Jan 2007 04:08 PM Ed Paul's recent Blog On Having a Calling made me smile. Our adoption stories are as much the same as they are different. We both raised biological children but found a good reason to become adoptive parents. He was able to retire and share his calling with his co-workers but, I had a very different experience. In my last position in a large Insurance Brokerage I knew I had been hired in part because, my biological children were old enough to drive me to work! It was very clear during the interviewing process that I was well liked, however there were some very obvious questions about my parenting status. Being a woman and having a career can be difficult and sadly many employers aren't very interested in getting that phone call when an employees child is sick. I knew when I was hired it was because I had some sort of edge. My kids were old enough that I wouldn't need every other Monday off, or complain about the cost of childcare. I knew without a word being spoken I was considered a great choice--and there wouldn't be any maternity costs added to the Group Health insurance bills. I knew they thought they had made a very smart decision to hire me. After all, I wasn't likely to take the 12-weeks of unpaid leave guarenteed by the federal government. I was just a good old boy as far as they were concerned. I probably should have told them. If I had been completely honest, I would have. But, I knew it was very early and that the process of adoption takes a long time. I wanted the job, would give my very best and they would get their investment out of me. I also knew that by the time we were at the stage of matching I could give enough notice to be helpful in training my replacement. So, I kept my mouth shut about our plan to adopt. I did feel a bit dishonest. But, find it rather disturbing that my husband was getting the red-carpet treatment with his employers. Offered, the Adoption Assistance employer subsidized support, time off for training and big parties in the lunch room with all the other adoptive father's. I knew that his employer was thrilled to death with his decision to become an adoptive parent. I stayed with the big Insurance Brokerage until our home study was completed and then let my employer know that we were waiting to be matched with children in the foster care system. That we had decided to adopt siblings, and I would be happy to help train my replacement. Overhearing other woman my age talking about how they were fine with the fact they would never have children--claiming their clients were the family they would never have. It made me sad to hear these things and understand that for a woman there really is a choice to be made when we decide to become a mother. When I gave notice, I didn't get the red-carpet treatment instead I was met with "the attitude" that same attitude so many young mother's face when they announce they are pregnant. I had given well over 3-years of my hard work to this company, so I didn't feel wrong about leaving. It's just too bad that becoming an Adoptive Mother isn't seen as a positive in the world of working mothers! Did anyone else have a job when they were in the process of adopting? If so, did you tell your employer? Have you tried to stay with your job even after a baby or child was placed? And, did you see any difference in the way the employers treated you?
 Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms: Adoption terms and special needs words may vary from agency to agency. The terms used in this Special Needs Adoption-Related Glossary may be slightly different from one State to another. A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website. Anna Glendenning is also Families.com Insurance and Guest Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/happymomanna/blog Learn more about Anna Glendenning  Anna Glendenning is a mother of four. Two biological children grown and out of college, and two siblings and adopted together in 2003. Anna's Personal Website http://www.adoptiveparentsnetwork. Relevantadoption tags relationships | pregnancy | baby | christmas | Scrapbooking | parenting | family | holidays | children | Food User Comments  Linda Hansen (1796) 17 Jan 2007 06:22 PMAnna, I had already retired from food service due to my mother's terminal illness and the around the clock care she would need until the end, by the time we blended with the boys. I can't understand (for the life of me!!) how people don't get the fact that if these children aren't adopted, loved, and nourished mentally and physically, their tax dollars will be supporting these kids, probably for the rest of their lives in one form or another, albeit shelters, rehab, fostercare, prison, and the same needs for th children they will have. Don't they understand what a big favor an adoptive family is doing for society? I really don't see how they miss the Big Picture. Artcraft  rsbg (501) 17 Jan 2007 08:24 PMVERY hot topic for me, Anna. I too, am in the insurance industry. I told my boss as soon as we signed with our adoption agency that we were in the process of adopting. He seemed happy. A couple of weeks ago I asked him if I would be allowed to take time off if/when a child was placed with us and he said that I could use my 2 weeks vacation. I was very disappointed, but tried to hide it. We are a small office, the owner, 2 full time employees and one part time employee. Then a week ago my co-worker found out she was pregnant. While I was at home doing my home study with our Caseworker, she asked him if she would get maternity leave and he told her yes. I am sooooooo frustrated that adoption is not viewed the same as maternity in the work place. Yes, I understand there is not a physical healing that needs to take place. BUT THERE IS an emotional healing. And we all know that can take a lot longer than any physical pain. So, I am very frustrated with his response. We have our reviews next week and I am going to bring this issue up. As things stand right now, I may be looking for a position where I can work from home, or work for a different employer. There is NO WAY we can make it on one income right now. I am really afraid to just take 2 weeks (or 3 even) to get to know the child that we may be blessed with. Discuss this article
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