Adopt a Child--or a Whale?

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

18 Apr 2007 04:20 PM

I've always thought that adoptive parent groups protesting the use of "adopt-a-highway/whale/endangered gorilla/etc." campaigns were overreacting. People can realize that a word is used differently in different settings, surely.

But I've changed my mind. Think it through with me for a minute: we try so hard to reassure our adopted children that adoption is permanent and forever. Then we tell them we are adopting an animal, say a gorilla, at the local zoo. We send the zoo some money and go visit "our" animal, then go home. Perhaps we visit once or twice more that year. The next year our family gets together to decide how to spend the money we've set aside for donation to the community. This time we decide to let someone else sponsor the gorilla this year because we'd rather try a whale.

Or, the kids' scout troop decides to "adopt-a-highway" by picking up litter regularly on a certain stretch. Kids and families are enthusiastic the first couple of times, but gradually attendance drops off, the kids who do come complain about what a pain it is to get up early on Saturday, and eventually kids join other activities and parents decide they can no longer transport their kids to the site, so the commitment is dropped.

What do these two examples say about the word "adoption" and the concepts of permanance, commitment, love?

The issue is not only what our adopted kids understand about adoption. They may be able to absorb some of what we tell them about the thoroughness of the adoption screening process and the legality of forever. If not, hopefully our love speaks for itself and reassures them without words. But do their classmates and friends have the same understanding? It was a revelation to me to hear a mother tell how her friend's child burst into tears upon learning his friend was adopted, because he thought that meant her parents might give her back sometime. Kids are vulnerable to what their peers tell them.

I can almost accept the use of the word "adoption" when it refers to choosing a pet from the Humane Society. Although I do not really like the association of animals to humans, most people I know who "adopt" a pet do so with the intention of making the animal part of their family for as long as it lives.

But for everything else, wouldn't it be just as easy to use the word "sponsor"? That's what we are doing-paying a portion of the animal's expenses or contributing to the upkeep of a road or a project. Let's keep the word "adoption" for a permanent familial commitment.

Please see these related blogs:

Positive Adoption Language

Adoption Words

Things All Children Should Know About Adoption

For a thought-provoking look at how words take on different meanings in our society, see this blog:

Violence and Slang Terms

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

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Anna Glendenning (4234) 18 May 2007 12:20 PM

A few months ago we were at a pet store and Jeremiah who was adopted just before he was 2 yrs old asked what all the signs said? I told him they were about Adopting a Cat or Dog....

Jeremiah who is now 5 years old said, "Cats and Dogs are not people--and we are not cat or dogs...so how can someone adopt one?"

I thought that was very interesting. Then he told the store manager that he thought it was silly to tell people they can "BE" a dog or cat and adopt one cuz he knows that moms don't ever have kittens and puppies....

..............the feelings that should ONLY matter are those of the children who are adopted and these campaigns do upset and confuse some children.....they also minimize the TRUE meaning of being adopted and make peers think parents went shopping one day at the store and picked a child out.

Pam Connell (2658) 18 May 2007 01:43 PM

You're absolutely that it's the children's feelings that matter. Even if others think it shouldn't be a big deal. Toi me the word "handicapped" sounds better than "disabled"--but it's what the individuals and the community affected prefer that matters.