Adjusting to the Silent Waitby Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger 14 Dec 2006 12:41 PM I've started calling it the "silent wait"-this waiting for a referral part of the adoption process. I was sufficiently warned that the waiting was the hardest part-having filled out all the paperwork, made it through the homestudy, had the physical, chose a program, etc. and then sitting, waiting for the next step. So, I was prepared...sort-of. What I haven't gotten used to is the silent isolation of the waiting... I have three biological children who are all in high school and I am a single mom who will be forty in a few months. All I have is my own experiences with my three older children with which to compare my wait to become a mother again. The thing about being pregnant is that everyone knows you are going to be a parent-there are unending conversations, unsolicited advice and baby stories. People ask you if you've chosen names, a nursery theme, whether you'll continue working. Waiting for an adoption referral has been a completely different experience for me. I mostly work from my home office, but I do have a part-time position as an advertising director with a national specialty magazine. The job is relatively new for me and no one knows that I am waiting for an adoption referral. I haven't figured out exactly how to bring it up. Even with my friends and family, with whom I've shared all sorts of frustrating details throughout this long process, don't really treat me as an expectant mother. Occasionally, I'll get "Are you still doing that adoption thing?" While I don't have a spouse, my kids and I often add the time qualifier to our conversations-"after the new baby comes" or "when the new baby comes" just as we say, "when school is out" or "when you go off to college." But we are living in our own world of anticipation. Others have grown weary of wondering when and what we're up to in our little family. There is no due date to anticipate, no belly to rub, no one is throwing baby showers or asking if I plan to breastfeed. To the world, I am just a busy, middle-age single mom who looks to be "almost finished" raising her houseful of boisterous teens. Meanwhile, I am silently waiting out this invisible gestation... Learn more about Kori Rodley Irons  Bio has been removed by administrator Relevantadoption tags Food | baby | Scrapbooking | family | children | parenting | holidays | christmas | relationships | pregnancy User Comments NYMom (11) 04 Jan 2007 07:17 PMI agree! Well said!! Our relatives and friends say, "Oh, you still doing that? How's that goin'? As though we've taken up checkers, then there was that adoption thing, and what might we be 'into' now? And my fav, "I thought you said it would happen FAST? You coulda got a baby from China by NOW." We don't want a baby and feel there's enough kids here who need a home, why go elsewhere? We're fostering an infant for a week and they're all excited and think it's crazy that we'd give the baby away. Not our baby. Destined for someone else, we're babysitting untl the legalites are worked out is all. People are weird!!! moedean52gunch (68) 27 Nov 2007 01:01 PMpeople are weird...or at least, unprepared for discussing the adoption process. this is especially true of the waiting period. most folks just wish to encourgae and engage in firendly discussion...but they have no idea of the details or reference points for chit chat. the results are usually awkward for both parties and sometimes painful for the expectant parent. bear with them, they know not what they say. this time will be replaced by the child in due course. we've adopted twice and really struggled with the waiting period the first time. afterwards, we realized that the timing and the control were not in our hands. we ended up with the "right" children and that's all that really matters. the inconvenient conversations are now long past. the wait can have a wonderful reward...just not something that can be rushed or controled or predicted as a due date. Discuss this article
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