Search Results for: blog acceptance of adopted children by extended family

Attaching with Extended Family

Some adopted young adults say that although they felt a part of their immediate families, they never felt quite like “one of the clan” with their extended relatives. One adoptive mother theorizes that for relatives who live far apart, reunions tended to focus on genes and history, since relatives who had spent many years at a distance had few shared experiences to build a relationship on. Relatives commented on who had grown up to look like who, remembered family births, and told baby stories comparing new parents and their babies. This mother reported that her kids were likely to hear, … Continue reading →

American Children Are Being Adopted in Foreign Lands

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There is a problem in this country. The majority of the families that consider adopting children are Caucasian. The majority of the children that need to be adopted are African American. The number of foreign children that are being adopted by Americans is increasing. African American babies are being sent to foreign countries. The United States is sending African American newborns to Canada and Western Europe. The families that receive these children say that their primary motive for taking them is that they wanted a newborn baby, without regard to that baby’s race. They say that there is no bias … Continue reading →

Loving an Adopted Child

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I am certain that some people are reluctant to adopt because they doubt they would ever be able to love adopted children as much as they love their biological children. No one has ever said that to me directly, but they have certainly implied it. Medical professionals and school teachers, in particular, have talked to us about our adopted children in a way that they would not dare to talk about our natural children. I don’t have real children and adopted children. I have eight children that God ordained for me to have from before the beginning of time. Raising … Continue reading →

Acceptance of Adopted Children by Extended Family

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Statistics show that the least likely children to be adopted in this country are African American. Most people looking to adopt are white. One of the reasons given by people who reject these children is that they are concerned about whether their extended family members would accept them. Four of our five adopted children are African American. My wife and I are in the racial minority in our household. We would not have it any other way. Our grown children were not at all surprised. As a family, we had been doing church work that targeted disadvantaged people of color … Continue reading →

Making Contact: Setting Comfortable Limits with Our Child’s Adopted Siblings’ Families

One of my fears in preparing to meet my either of my sons’ siblings or adoptive families was what if they’re hopes for the degree of contact differs greatly from ours? I thought quite a bit about this and played out different scenarios in my mind. Part of me worried the families would rather not have any contact. When we first became a family, we had the constant reminder of adoption. We wanted to move on with life and feel normal. For this reason, I certainly would have understood my childrens’ birth siblings’ family wanting to move forward or have … Continue reading →

Not the Acceptance that Was Expected

After the welcoming reception of Lisa and Ryan’s first daughter Cassie, these again proud parents expected the arrival of their new daughter Maxine to be met with the same excitement and welcome as their first. Many years prior to Cassie’s arrival Ryan’s father and step-mother (who herself was adopted), lost closeness with him due to circumstances around his parent’s divorce. There had been hard feelings as a result since. But their acceptance of Ryan and Lisa’s one year old daughter gave new hope for the uniting of the extended family. A couple years passed and things seemed to go well. … Continue reading →

My Favorite Book Reviews of 2008

Most of my readers won’t be surprised to learn that I love to read—kids’ books, adult books, nonfiction, picture books—anything. But even I was surprised to learn that I’ve reviewed over 45 books this year. Since many bookstores have post-holiday sales, and since many of us were fortunate enough to receive bookstore gift cards, I’m challenging myself to pick my favorite “top twelve” of the adoption books I’ve reviewed this year. I began the year by starting a series: Adoption Books with Great Art. Although I’m a “word person”, I’ve become increasingly moved by the beautiful ways some artists can … Continue reading →

Adoption and Inheritance Rights

Can an adopted child inherit from his/her birthparents as well as adoptive parents? Can a birthparent claim some of the estate of an adopted child who dies? In some states, the answer is yes! There are two major things to keep in mind when reading this blog: 1. This blog refers to state “intestate” inheritance laws, meaning laws regarding the estate of someone who dies without having made a will. If you make a will, you can direct that your money and other assets go to your adoptive child, your birth child, your adoptive parent, your birthparent, your neighbor’s third … Continue reading →

When Grandparents Play Favorites—Part One

Life is not fair and that is definitely one of the challenges we parents face when it comes to teaching our children about how to get along in the world. Sometimes that lesson hits early and close to home and I have talked to many parents who confess that having grandparents play favorites is one of those early, painful and challenging family lessons… Sometimes, grandparents play favorites between families—a favored son or daughter’s children are the noticeable favorites—while other times they may choose one or two grandchildren who are the favs. To be fair, I think that often grandmas and … Continue reading →

Grandparent Favoritism—My Unnecessary Worry

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Earlier this month, I wrote about an adopted child’s adjustment to home and about how grandparents can support the child’s bonding with his/her new parents. I wrote that sometimes grandparents’ eagerness to welcome the child can confuse the child. But what if you have the opposite problem–it seems the grandparents don’t warm to the newly adopted child as readily as to other grandchildren? In adoption, as when a new baby is born into the family, sometimes one of the best ways family members can help is by caring for an older sibling or siblings and letting the mother and father … Continue reading →