A Pearl of Great Price

by Pam Connell | More from this Blogger

30 Jun 2007 07:33 PM

During the period when we tried to assess Regina's potential disabilities and decide if we could parent her, we wondered what effect raising a special needs child would have on our family life. Would we have to totally change our lifestyle to accommodate a rigid schedule of appointments and daily care?

The image I persistently recall from this time in my life is the biblical parable of the Pearl of Great Price, the pearl of such surpassing value that the merchant was willing to sell all that he had to obtain this pearl. Could I give up my image of perfection and take a chance?

I do not know if we could have proceeded with the adoption if the initial dire prognosis had been accurate. Even now, I do not know exactly what will happen in the future. But Regina, now four, is a bright, empathetic and socially aware child. She does clearly understand cause and effect.

She has had some issues. I brought her to an assessment at the Early Intervention center because of delayed motor skills. I was surprised when she also qualified for cognitive and speech therapy. However by age three, she had progressed to where she no longer qualified for assistance. I then had a private speech therapist work with her; we are about to discontinue that. She can read and write some letters and numbers and has terrific motor skills. ("Why in the world did we let them give her therapy to increase her motor skills?" my husband recently moaned as he retrieved her from the height she had climbed to. )

She does have some hyperactivity and focusing challenges. She does have more tantrums than the other kids did. And sure, they scare me, since impulsivity and out-of-control tantrums can be signs of alcohol-related problems. But they also can be signs of being a four-year-old with an intense personality. She is at least as intensely loving and appreciative as she is emotional.

As for learning problems, kids born weighing less than five pounds are at slightly higher risk, alcohol-exposed or not. We have learning disabilities in the family anyway-I figure the girls' odds are still better than my biological son's. Maybe she would have had Einstein's IQ if prenatal conditions were more favorable-but she's pretty darned smart as it is.

Maybe these are the golden years, and she will have severe challenges ahead. But I no longer doubt that we can do whatever is necessary to support her in being the best she can be. The joy of parenting her thus far more than makes up for any sacrifices, past or future.

She is our Pearl of Great Price.

Later we would realize that her Korean name means "Bright Pearl". Even someone like me has to think it's more than coincidence.

Please see these related blogs: Introducing My Family

Somebody Meant This To Be

Easter Children

Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder

Speech and Language Delays

Early Intervention: Give Your Child a Head Start!

Learn more about Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism.

View Full Profile | More from this Blogger

kindveggiemommy (14) 07 Jul 2007 08:05 PM

hi pam im new to this forum...well, i joined a long time ago but have just started getting involved..i just want to share my experience with you. i adopted my first son when he was 16 months old. his birthmother drank alcohol and consumed cocaine throughout her pregnancy with zero prenatal care. his facial features were slightly affected and he had not met any of his developmental milestones, was labeled with fetal alcohol affect and we were told he would have delays and possibly many other issues down the road...he, too had several therapies through age 3. he too had big tantrums. i worried sometimes about what the future held for him... my beautiful son is now 8 years old and going into the 3rd grade. he is well liked, highly compassionate, a straight A student and reads at a 7th grade level...his face no longer shows any signs of the syndrome and we have high expectations and lofty dreams for this little miracle. all my best to you and yours!

Pam Connell (2658) 07 Jul 2007 08:39 PM

Thanks kindmommy and welcome--this series of ten blogs was the most personal I've ever written; I'm glad it touched you. It does sound like we have some experiences in common. Congratulations on your miracle child!