A Glimmer Of Hope

by Nicole Humphrey | More from this Blogger

26 Jul 2006 05:31 AM

And then on October 28, 1996, my world changed forever.

I went out to get the mail, and there amongst bills and ads, was a big white envelope addressed to me.

I didn't recognize the writing on the envelope but it was definitely a personal letter, and a rather thick one at that.

I'm not even sure that I made it to the door with my envelope before I had torn into it. Inside the envelope I pulled out another purple envelope, again addressed to me. This one had a big red rubber stamped mark on it that said "Attempted, No Known" with one of those yellow address labels indicating that it needed to be returned to sender. It was postmarked September 24, 1996 and the return address read "Robin Smith*".

I stopped dead in my tracks and yes, emotional me began to cry. I knew exactly who Robin Smith was and couldn't believe what I was seeing.

We had just moved to Arizona and obviously when she wrote that, she didn't know that. In fact, the address she had used was two address' prior, while we were in Texas.

But that didn't matter to me. It was the hand written words that graced the pages of the stationary I found inside.

Words that made me laugh and cry, and scream and shudder. Words that changed me from that moment.

"Dearest Nicole,

This is the third letter I'm trying to write to you - hopefully you will get to read this one.

Every time I try to write you - I break down crying and find it too difficult to continue. There is so much I want to tell you.

I'm sorry to keep you waiting so long - especially knowing how much this means to you. I pray you will get the answers you need from this letter and will know that I do welcome you with open arms. You are my daughter, my first born and I've thought of you every year in August."

I was simply speechless. Where did this come from? Why had she written those words? I was told she didn't want contact. What was going on? I continued reading every word trying desperately to understand.

"I never saw you, but the doctors told me you were a girl and I cherished that tidbit of information in my heart all these years - often wondering about you and where you were and mostly if you were happy."

And there it was, right there in her own handwriting. She did think of me. She did miss me. She wondered about me. I was amazed.

"It was such a surprise to hear from you and all I could do was cry. I put your card and picture away, only to pull it out and read it and look at your picture again and again and each time I'd cry. I always wondered if I would ever hear from you, but since my father moved around so much I never thought you'd really find me. It took me so long, because I had to face a lot of pain to open up my heart to you - it's helped me heal. The hardest part of writing to you is that I wasn't sure you'd want to know me after you heard that Todd and Renee have said such nasty things about me. I feared you might believe I was a really horrible person, which is exactly what they are both trying so hard to do."

Again, I was simply speechless..... this letter was absolutely blowing my mind. This woman I wanted in my life, had done a complete turn and was wanting contact with me. I didn't know what in the world to think, so I just kept reading.

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Learn more about Nicole Humphrey

Nicole Humphrey is a freelance writer, consultant for CTMH and a Sr. Blogger for families.com. She resides in St. Charles, Missouri with Mike and their five children and two furbabies.

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Andrea M (2525) 31 Jul 2006 07:21 AM

Inspiring! Wonderful! Loving! Encouragement! I can keep going on, but this makes every attempt worth it! Does she think of me? Does she care?? Thank you for your words, Nicole!

Nicole Humphrey (15757) 31 Jul 2006 06:42 PM

Thank you for the inspiring comments. The whole experience was extremely surreal. I'm so thankful for my blessing! :)